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The Mask

Carmenica Diaz

2004ãCarmenica Diaz

Part 3 And the Oscar Goes To…

Brenda and the nurses had filled my wardrobe with female clothes in the first week but I had studiously avoided dresses and skirts, restricting myself to the jeans and tee shirts. The next morning, I stared at the dresses hanging in the closet and told myself I had to wear dresses every day from now on.

I had always been conscious of the hidden cameras and had quickly dressed in the bathroom, hoping there was at least some privacy there. It wasn’t that I was modest; I still didn’t believe this body was mine, but I didn’t want to give some perverse thrill to the military voyeurs.

There was no doubt Brenda and Kristine, the nurse, were surprised to see me in a blue dress. ‘That looks lovely,’ Brenda said slowly.

‘I just felt I wanted to get out of pants,’ I explained with what I hoped was a rueful smile. ‘I don’t think it looks nice, though.’

‘Yes it does,’ Kristine said quickly, ‘but I think you should wear the belt around the waist.’

‘And these shoes,’ Brenda said after rummaging in the bottom of the closet.

I was satisfied then with the image, it was acceptable, and I made a mental note to think more carefully about my future selection of clothes. ‘What about my hair?’ I hesitantly flicked the long dark hair that rested on my shoulders. How I longed for a simple buzz cut like I used to have.

‘It’s beautiful hair and so thick,’ Kristine said with what I thought was an envious tone, but then quickly dismissed that idea. Why would she be envious of my hair?

‘We can arrange for a hairdresser if you want,’ Brenda said, watching me carefully.

I forced myself to break into a big smile. ‘Would you? That would be wonderful. Thank you.’

She continued to study me for a moment and then nodded. ‘Tomorrow then, and would you like to learn about make-up?’

Again I smiled. ‘Yes, please, and anything else you think I should know.’

A routine was established and, surprisingly, the weeks and then the months passed quickly. I would wake in the morning, dress, apply my make-up and style my hair before meeting Brenda, Kristine, and Sue Collins, a doctor, for breakfast. I was sure they were watching me every step of the way and that was okay as I was carefully studying them and circumspectly including small actions I’d noticed into my own behaviour.

After breakfast, I would spend an hour completing tests for the scientists and often Professor Kruger would drop in to chat about every day things and was obviously careful not to reveal anything about the Rhodes Virus. I didn’t ask and, in fact, outwardly appeared a little bored with the whole process while secretly filing as much as I could away in my mind.

Tutorials commenced on behaviours, health and hygiene, fashion and relationships and I listened avidly, absorbing as much as I could to assist me in fine-tuning my cover. I protested when they suggested cooking classes.

‘What for?’

‘You will need to eat, you know,’ Kristine pointed out, ‘and, from what I understand, Professor Rhodes couldn’t boil water.’

I saw Kristine and Brenda looking at me and I suspected they were testing me. How were cooking classes testing me? I wondered, but decided to go along.

‘You’re right, I’ll have to eat, so why not learn?’ I said, smiling brightly. The funny thing was I came to enjoy the classes and liked cooking. Each recipe was a different challenge, a puzzle that I needed to solve, and it was fascinating. The great chefs, I reasoned, are men, why not me?

I spent most of my waking hours with females and I actually began to find it quite pleasant. The conversations were always varied and wide ranging and I learned so much just by taking part.

After lunch, I spent the afternoon and early evening on the medical refresher course and it was a relief to focus on something so clearly black and white, and something I knew so well.

It was clear in my mind that I would not ever become completely female as I remembered everything from my medical background. Brenda had explained that there was no reason that knowledge and experience would vanish with the change, just that now I would apply a female perspective to that same knowledge and experience. I pretended to agree with her, but I thought the fact that I retained my medical skills was evidence I would internally remain a man.

Although I was becoming quite comfortable living behind the mask (as I called it), there were things I was clearly uncomfortable with, including the mood swings and the annoying trait of breaking into tears at the slightest thing. The fact that I once cried at a happy ending of a stupid movie was particularly annoying but I managed to mask that reaction when Brenda looked at me.

As part of the medical course, I worked in the base hospital in the emergency room, first acting as an intern and then after a few months as a doctor. I loved it, working the long hours, dressed in the scrubs and working with a dedicated team. Most of the cases were injuries but there were a few infections, blood disorders, ulcers, heart problems and even births.

I was now accepted by everyone as a female and treated as such by everyone, except by Buchanan. He was my toughest audience.

Buchanan watched my progress with a cynical eye and it wasn’t until ten months had passed that I knew he finally accepted me as a woman and someone removed from Jack Rhodes.

Brenda and I were in the canteen giggling at Kristine’s description of her date the night before when Buchanan suddenly appeared at our table. I thought he appeared a little nervous.

‘I hope I’m not interrupting, ladies?’

‘Of course not,’ I smiled and his eyes dropped to my chest for a second. I was wearing a new dress that Kristine had bought - it was cinched at the waist, had a low neckline and came to just above the knee. I thought it looked pretty but now I released why he was nervous: he found me attractive, even sexy! I smiled to myself; it gave me an edge, and something I could use to get out of the complex more quickly. I pushed the fact that I was flirting with a man quickly to the back of my mind before I was totally repulsed.

Brenda and Kristine exchanged fleeting smiles. Buchanan didn’t notice, but I did and gave them a quick frown. ‘I thought I would just let you know, Jacquie, that we’ve completed your documentation and it will be available next week.’ His eyes dropped to my chest again and I smiled sweetly at him.

‘What does that mean, General?’ I asked innocently. His eyes went down and up again.

‘You will have a birth certificate, driver’s licence and medical registration that will allow you to practice as a G.P. anywhere you choose.’ He coughed and said apologetically, ‘Of course, we cannot approve a passport as yet.’

‘I’ve no plans to go anywhere, General.’ I quickly stood up and pecked his cheek. ‘Thank you, you’ve been very sweet.’ He blushed furiously, mumbled something and wandered off.

‘Well,’ Brenda said with a smile as I sat down, ‘I think you’ve joined the club?’

‘Club? What club?’

‘Don’t go all innocent, Jacquie,’ Kristine laughed, ‘it might work on men, but not on us.’

‘I have no idea what you mean,’ I said, winking, and we broke into laughter.

I lay in my bed that night feeling quite pleased with myself as my plan was working perfectly. Everyone thought I was a complete woman with no desire to be Jack Rhodes. It was so easy to fool everyone, I even fooled myself every now and again. Maybe, I thought, I should have become an actor as I’ve moved into the role of a woman so easily.

It was a month later that I realised that Buchanan was a cunning soul and didn’t completely trust the transformation. Bob Jones, who knew me from my time as Jack, visited me. I had seen him around the base but had ignored him even though he had attempted to catch my eye.

‘Hi there, Jack,’ he said breezily as he entered. ‘I need another blood sample.’

‘Of course,’ I said smiling, extending my arm. ‘I prefer Jacquie though.’

‘Sure,’ he said non-committally as he prepared to take the sample.

‘I think you guys must have a huge vat of my blood by now,’ I laughed and he glanced at me.

‘Jack,’ he said in a hoarse whisper, ‘I have a way to get you out of here.’

I acted surprised. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘A way to escape,’ he urged.

I laughed. ‘I’m afraid I don’t understand the joke, Bob,’ I said, taking great pains to read the name tag on his lab coat.

He jabbed my finger suddenly and it hurt, really hurt. ‘Ow,’ I said, shook my hand when he released it and a solitary tear trickled down my cheek. ‘That hurt,’ I murmured, sucking my injured finger, suddenly realising it had been intentional on Bob’s part, hoping to provoke a natural ‘Jack Rhodes’ reaction of anger.

Instead, it had provoked a ‘Jacquie Rhodes’ reaction.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said quickly, seeing the tear. ‘I’m really sorry, Jacquie, it was an accident,’ he added as he quickly packed up.

‘That’s okay, Bob,’ I smiled and pecked his cheek. ‘You would think I’d be used to needles by now.’

He left with a strange look on his face, fingers touching his cheek, and I thought I had passed the final test.

I was correct and the next day, I attended a meeting with Buchanan, Brenda, Kruger and Phillips. ‘We think you’re ready to leave, Jacquie,’ Kruger said with a smile. ‘How do you feel?’

‘Frightened,’ I said, knowing that what was they expected and, to tell the truth, I was a little afraid.

‘That’s to be expected,’ Murphy said and everyone nodded.

They handed me a small folder with my documents. ‘It’s all in there including your bank accounts. You’ve got a substantial amount as part of the compensation package the government has awarded you.’ I nodded.

‘We expect you to keep in touch with Doctor Peters once a week,’ Buchanan said.

‘I would want to anyway,’ I smiled and Brenda smiled back, reached out and squeezed my hand.

‘We want to know where you are,’ Buchanan added. ‘Don’t make us come looking for you,’ he warned.

‘The clothes and everything, including the doctor’s bag and medical supplies are all yours, you’re free to go,’ Murphy said quickly and everyone smiled.

‘I have to go straight away?’ I said in a small voice and I felt my eyes fill. Great touch, I told myself, but I wondered whom I was fooling. Suddenly, the idea that I was free was more than a little frightening.

‘No, of course not,’ Kruger said quickly. ‘When you’re ready.’

It took about a week before I had the courage to spread my wings.

Brenda, Kristine and I went shopping in the nearby town and I bought some more clothes: shorts, halter-tops, sandals, sunglasses and jeans. I also bought a car. I looked longingly at the large off-road cars but followed Brenda and Kristine to the compact wagons. ‘Very practical for a doctor,’ Brenda pointed out.

‘The seats go forward a long way, which is great,’ Kristine volunteered as she tried them out.

With the car now in the name of Jacqueline Rhodes, M.D., I cautiously followed Kristine and Brenda back to the complex. Driving in my female body was a new experience and I drove quite slowly back to the complex until I became used to it. I was on my way, I told myself, but, strangely, I felt quite sad to leave Brenda and Kristine behind.