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Market Research – In Dog We trust...

By Jamie Lou Wendelin

I crashed in an area populated by what the local sentients call “trees”.

The crash should never have happened - but I’d ignored the frequency fluctuations in the Wemmeninchhuiyhwua Drive for too long. Yes, they stayed within design tolerances, but were outside of the normal range. However, I was being pressured for more information on the humans who would soon experience global contact from representatives of the  Board of Trade. So I pushed my luck.

That luck ran out, or at least was severely strained, as I entered the atmosphere of the third planet from the primary of system 70834-245. Its inhabitants called it “Earth”. The oscillations grew worse as I decelerated and the compensation systems were overwhelmed. Those and many other support systems finally crashed as I did. My last bit of luck was that I was traveling slowly enough that when all the systems ultimately failed I simply fell onto the ground as if dropped from a low altitude.

What is it these humans say? Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing. In that respect I had a “good landing.”

As I was running system checks, with most of my external sensors down and all of my localized gravitational compensator/decompensator systems out of commission, I suddenly noted pressure on my outer hull. It was localized in a few points on my surface. You know how the pressure clamps on most orbiting stations feel when they grab your hull?  Well this was like that; only not even or consistent. 

Then my accelerometers, which were still functioning, reported the vertical lift, followed by a horizontal motion accompanied by an almost sine-wave type up and down movement.

I concentrated all my efforts on bringing my external sensors back on-line.

As the data finally started to flow in, I struggled to compile and analyze it. Point pressure on my hull, a warm, wet, obviously living, surface of some kind was undulating along my lower hull. I brought more systems up.

I hadn’t noticed that my neural integrator was working until I sensed the synaptic communications of the being I was trapped by. Through its system I sensed the sound waves it was also hearing. Its understanding was very primitive; I comprehended that it had some relationship with the originator of the words it heard but I did not yet understand what that was.

All my effort went into deciphering the neurologically patterns I sensed. Finally it dawned on me…

I translated: “Buster! Where are you? Buster, come here!”

External visuals came up and I saw that local environs from behind teeth and lips of some kind of animal; obviously not the local sentient species.

I was inside the mouth of what the population of this planet called a canine, a dog.

I sensed, through this animal; “Buster! God damn it, you son of a bitch, get the fuck over here!”

This did not seem to me to be the type of human I was supposed to contact.

I did something I do not normally do; I compelled the canine. I forced it to release me. This I did by making it seem as if I had a most unpleasant taste.

Soon I was resting again on solid ground. My external visuals, functioning again, I took in the canine retreating. It was what the people here called a “Black Lab”. Even though I recognized the color of the animal, I wasn’t clear as to what relationship a canine had to a laboratory.  In the distance I could sense the local sentient who laid claim to this canine. It was certainly not a suitable subject for contact.

I concentrated on my repairs.

Finally, I got myself to a point where all systems were functioning again. As I was preparing to launch again, I sensed another human approaching. My external visuals followed it as it arrived and sat on the construction nearby. I believe this construction was called a “Park bench.” It seemed to be in a bit of health distress and was respirating rapidly. I watched and noted when it finally saw me. It reached down and grasped me with the five fingers (as I believe they are called) on one of its upper appendages.

Once it held me I could connect to its internal communications system and send signals directly to the audio-sensing part of its brain.

I projected what I knew all humans did in situations like this, I said “Hello.”

Copyright 2007 JLW