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Karma Part 2

By Amanda D.

I had been recovering from my second back surgery for about a week when Dr. Roy introduced me to the most evil woman I’d ever had the displeasure to meet. Her name was Karen Tyler and she was my physical therapist. Karen was twenty five years old and seriously into body building. She had long blonde hair and a beautiful smile but she looked like she could bench press a pick up truck.

(Even if I was still a guy, she’d scare the crap out of me.)

At first she seemed nice enough but in reality it was her pleasure to torture me until I could take no more. She told me the torture would continue until I left the hospital, so I told her I’d leave that very day. She smiled her evil smile and said “You have to be able to walk at least as far as the bathroom before you can be released.”

“Who needs to walk?” I asked. “If you ask me walking is so overrated. Besides look how good I am with the wheel chair. A couple more weeks of practice and I’ll be trying out for the pro chair rodeo.” I added as I crashed into the far wall.

Karen laughed at my intentional joke and said. “You’re in a good mood today. I’m glad to see it. You’ve been acting so depressed since your surgery that we were beginning to think you may need professional help.”

She was right. I had been depressed. After my encounter with Alexander, I was scared shitless. I’d been trying to figure out what the Voice wanted from me but I had been unable to come up with any answers. It got to the point where I was unable to function in any way for fear of doing something wrong. But last night I decided that if I was alive, I needed to live. So here I was trying to make the best of the situation I was in. Even if it meant being tortured on a daily basis by this spunky devil woman.

(I was thinking it was like penance for my former sins. Well probably not but it sounded good to me anyhow.)

“Ok miss introspective,” Karen said breaking my reverie, “we need to get you out of that chair and over to the pool for your morning walk.”

(See I’m trying to be good. I didn’t even flinch when she called me miss. Ok I flinched but only a little bit.)

The pool sessions weren’t as bad as the support bars at least in the pool it was nice and cool. I rolled over to the pool and Karen helped me get in. My goal was simply to walk the twenty feet across the pool and back. However my legs, after almost two months of inactivity didn’t believe it was so simple. Nope not even a little. They screamed at me even though most of my weight was supported by either the water or the floatation device I had a death grip on.

I was grunting and groaning my way across the pool when Rita made her morning appearance. I had asked (begged actually) her not to come during my P.T. sessions but she still did. And of course when she came, she brought her own unique brand of encouragement with her. There were times Rita drove Karen so crazy I though she wouldn’t make it to the end of my session alive.

Rita saw me struggling to get across the pool and started right in on Karen. “Don’t you think she’s had enough for today? Look how pale she is! You know you shouldn’t push her so hard. She’s had a very traumatic couple of months.” Rita rambled.

“Mrs. David” Karen answered looking like she was going to strangle her “I have told you repeatedly if you are going to insist on coming to these sessions, you need to keep your comments to yourself.”

“Who do you think you are to be talking to me that way?” Rita began indignantly. “I’m her mother and I will certainly not keep my comments concerning her well being to myself. So you just back off missy!”

“MOTHER,” I hollered, “you apologize to Karen right this second. She’s doing her job and doesn’t need you making trouble for her. Now I need to finish my session here so you can go wait for me in my room or you can leave and come back in an hour when I’m done. Either way you need to go!”

Rita’s jaw hit the floor with a thud. At first I thought she was going to jump into the pool and drown me. But in the end she turned and stormed out leaving Karen staring at me in shock. I stared back at her and asked “What?”

Karen replied “I never thought I’d see the day you’d stand up to her like that. I mean I’ve seen you get irritated when she pulls her crap, but you never really say anything to her about it.”

“Well, she is my mother. (Ya know it just kills me to say that.) Or so everybody tells me any way, so I guess I cut her a little more slack than everybody else because she is just trying to look out for me. She is a pain in the ass though.”

Karen laughed “Well, I certainly don’t envy you having to go live with her when you get out of here.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot from everyone around here. The only one that seems happy to see her here is Dr. Roy and that’s because he gets his rocks off when he thinks I’m uncomfortable.” Karen looked at me questioningly. “I’m not his favorite patient.” was all I said.

(Talk about an understatement.)

“Well how bout we get you out of there before you turn into a prune?” Karen asked.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. I’m getting pretty tired.” I answered.

When I got back to my room Rita was waiting for me. (Just what I need.) Before she could start I said “Mother, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you but right now I’m exhausted and need to sleep.”

She gave me a look of embarrassment. “There’s no need for you to apologize dear. I’m the one that should be apologizing to you and that nice therapist. (Ok where did the real Rita go?) I know I’m something of a nag (her? nag? What ever would possess her to say such a thing?) but it’s only because I want to make sure that you’re getting the best possible care here.” Rita said quietly.

“I know Ma. I know.” I said tiredly.

“I love you, you know and I just want to see you get better so you can get out of here and back home.” she said sincerely.

“I love you too, Ma,” I replied. (What did I just say? Man I must be more tired that I thought.) She came over and gave me a hug. It was actually kind of nice. We both smiled at each other. I think she started to say something else but I didn’t hear her. I had fallen a sleep.

When I woke up Anita was there. “Good morning sunshine. Glad to see you’re finally awake. I was beginning to think you had slipped back into a coma,” she said smiling.

Slightly disorientated I asked “What time is it?”

“It’s a little after 7pm. You’ve been asleep for hours.” Anita replied.

“I guess I have.” I said dully. “Where is mom?”

“She went home to get dinner ready for dad. She was just leaving when I got here. She looked pretty upset, like she’d been crying. (Oh great) Do you have any idea why?” she asked.

Sheepishly I said “We had an argument while I was down at physical therapy. She was really aggravating Karen, my therapist, and I got mad at her and told her to leave.”

“You did what?” Anita almost yelled. “How could you do that to her? You know she can’t help the way she is.”

Now I was getting annoyed. “Do I?” I asked harshly. “The last time I checked I still didn’t have much in the way of a memory. So how would I know? Hmm?”

(Ok it was a low blow. What can I say? I still suck sometimes.)

Anita looked mortified. “I didn’t mean to get upset with you.” she said “But you being here has mom really upset. (Like it’s a picnic for me.) When you were missing for those weeks, she cried every day. And when you turned up here, alive she got down on her knees and thanked God. All she seems to do is fret over your condition. So how about cutting her some slack?”

(Wow as if I didn’t feel shitty enough. This girl really knows how to lay on the guilt.)

Wondering if I looked as embarrassed, about my behavior, as I felt and desperately wanting to change the subject I said “So how are things with you?”

She was thoughtfully silent for a moment and then apparently deciding not to peruse it any longer she said “Things are good. Jack says hello and hopes you’ll be out soon.”

“Jack?” I asked. (This time I wasn’t pretending.) “Jack's my husband” Anita answered “and I have a 3 year old son named Charlie. Who, by the way says he misses his aunty Manda and also hopes you’ll get better soon.” She promptly produces a menagerie of pictures. Jack is a handsome guy (YUCK!! Did I just refer to a man as handsome??? I really got issues.) with short sandy color hair. Charlie was an absolute cutie pie (Cutie Pie? UGGG) with his brown hair and freckles.

“A nephew and a brother in law” I said thoughtfully, wondering why she’d never mentioned them before now. “Nita, are there any other family members I need to know about? I don’t have any kids or anything, do I?” Her face got serious for a minute.

“No.” she whispered. “You don’t have any kids.”

“Is there something wrong?” I asked. The look on her face had me really concerned.

“No, it does just… aw forget it; it’s not important right now.” I was going to say something else when she quickly changed the subject on me. The look on her face said she didn’t want to get into whatever it was, so I let it go. “Anyhow that covers the immediate family. All the aunts, uncles and cousins will be there for you to meet again when you get out of here. You know mom’s planning a party for you once you’re up to it, don’t you?”

(Just what I want a friggen family reunion. GREAT! Just great.)

“She said something about it the first day she came here but since she hadn’t brought it up again, I’d hoped she’d forgotten.” I said hopefully.

Anita laughed “Yeah like that’s gonna happen. You know once mom sets her mind to something, there’s not turning her back.”

I smiled woefully “I guess you're right.” After that we made small talk for a while more and then we said our good byes and Anita left for home. As I had mentioned before I had always liked Anita when I was married to Mandy and after her visit my opinion of her had grown even better. I couldn’t ask for a better sister.

* * *

Today was certainly a day to remember. Yup gonna have to put this one in my diary, if I ever start one. Saturday April 9, 2005 was the day that for the first time since my incarceration here (2 months and 6 days worth) I was able to go to the bathroom by myself! I’ll have to say that after a small bit of confusion (my plumbing change left me standing there momentarily with nothing to hold on to) everything came out fine!

* * *

Jenny and I were out in the hall doing my twice daily trek to the nurses’ station. On top of my daily physical therapy sessions Karen had told me walking around the halls would help get me out of here sooner. So every day I walked with one of the nurses for support. "So I hear we might be loosing you soon.” Jenny stated.

“Yep that’s the rumor.” I replied. “Another week or so if things continue to go well.”

“You must be excited.” she said.

“I am. I can’t wait to go out side again. Spring is coming on, the weather is getting warmer and I can’t wait to feel the sun on my face again. It’s amazing the little things you miss when you’re stuck inside for so long.” was my reply. “When I’m ready, Karen said that we go work out at her gym together.” I needed to work out too. All these months of inactivity had left my body a little wasted.

Jenny smiled at that thought and said “I can picture that. She’ll have you looking butch in no time.”

“Butch? Me? I think I’m a little to slight of build to look butch.” I bristled.

“Nah you’d look cute all muscular and buff.” she teased. I know she was kidding but surprisingly she was starting to piss me off with this. I decided to just laugh it off though. Just then Paul came up from behind us and put his hand on my shoulder.

(Scaring the crap out of me.)

I nearly jumped through the roof, but when I saw the big smile on his face, I couldn’t get mad. “Daddy!” I yelled. (Daddy? What’s with that?) “What brings you here at this time of day?”

“Hi princess.” He said. (Princess? Oh God! Someone help me.) “Just came to see how my girl was today.”

I scowled in mock consternation “Dad I’m a little old to be called princess ya know.”

Ignoring me he turned to Jenny and asked “Would you mind if I took over and finished Mandy’s walk with her?”

“No sir. That wouldn’t be a problem at all. Just be aware, sometimes she gets tired before she makes it all the way back. If that happens just call one of us and we’ll bring her a wheel chair.” I stuck my tongue out at her as she walked away.

Once we got back to my room I asked “Is mom with you?”

“No” he answered. “I wanted to come see you alone.”

(Uh Oh!)

“Ok, so what’s up?” I inquired.

(I’m not sure I want to hear this.)

“I was at your apartment the other day cleaning things out. And I ran into your landlady Priscilla, and she told me some interesting things about the night you got hurt.”

(Zoinks!)

“Like what?” was all I had the saliva to ask.

He looked really upset. “She told me that Jake was at your apartment that night. While it was quiet at first, after a short while she heard the two of you yelling at each other. For the life of me I’ll never understand what you see in that good for nothing scumbag."

(Don’t hold back dude, tell how you really feel. Sheesh!)

"Not too long after that she heard a loud thump and what sounded like a man scream. Then she saw someone fall by her window. She said she could have sworn it was Jake that fell (Oh shit!) but when she looked out it was you lying on the street. So it looks like he did this to you too. As if the last time wasn’t bad enough.”

(Last time?)

He looked pissed! I was petrified. What should I do? It’s not like he’ll believe the truth. Before I could decide he said “I know this must be hard for you to hear, (You can say that again.) but if I ever find that little son of a bitch, I’m gonna kill him!” he growled. “I’m going to talk to the police” he continued “but I wanted to tell you first.” He looked drained.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? I asked. “Is Cilla willing to tell them what she told you? What you said sounds terrible and certainly explains a lot but I can’t say I remember that night at all. So it’s not like I can confirm her story or anything.”

“Even after all this you still want to defend him?” Paul roared “First he beats you and causes you to miscarry (Whoa! Miscarriage? What miscarriage?) and then he, at very least causes you fall off of your balcony almost killing you. How can someone so smart be so friggen blind?”

I was speechless. After a minute I said very quietly, “Daddy, I’m not defending him. Christ, I don’t even remember him. I just don’t want you to go to the police and look foolish if no one can back up what you tell them.”

With tears running down his face he said, “I’m sorry princess. I didn’t mean to lay that on you like that. It’s just for a moment there you sounded so much like your old self, when it comes to him I just lost it. I’m so sorry. He reached over and hugged me fiercely.

Long moments passed before I asked “Dad, what did you mean, I had a miscarriage? When did that happen?”

He couldn’t meet my eyes. “I swore to your mother that I wouldn’t say anything until you remembered on your own.”

“Well, I don’t think you’ll be keeping that promise any more.” I answered icily.

He stared at the floor and continued “About six months before your fall you came home and told us that you were pregnant with Sam’s baby. (Who’s Sam?) Oh you were so happy and your mother and I were so relived that you’d finally moved on from Jake. But a month or so later Jake called you and gave you some line. So of course you went to meet with him. He wanted some money to pay someone or another and you refused.”

He had to pause for a minute before he could go on. “So he… he beat you. He beat you so bad that you miscarried the baby. You were devastated. You swore to us that day that you’d never have anything to do with that son of a bitch again. Not long after that you broke up with Sam and moved out.”

I was stunned. Flatly I said “And then I went and saw him again. I’m so sorry daddy, for everything.”

He looked miserable. “You have nothing to be sorry for. But you have to promise me that if he ever shows his face again, you’ll walk away and call either the police or me.”

“I promise,” was all I could say.

Once again he pulled me close and hugged me. “I love you so much, princess. I was so scared when you disappeared. I though we’d lost you for good.”

“It’s ok Daddy.” I tried to sooth. “I’m safe and I promise to never see Jake again. Ok? Please stop crying Dad. It’ll be okay.”

After a bit, the emotional storm passed from him. He kissed my forehead. “Are you Okay?” he asked.

“I’m not sure. I need some time to think.” I answered.

Understanding my unspoken request he said “Well, I have to get back to the office. I’ll call you later when I get home tonight, to check on you. Also your mother will be by later. If can bring yourself to not tell her about our conversation I’d appreciate it. If you feel you need to talk to her though, I’ll certainly understand.” He left without another word.

I was devastated. I had no idea that Mandy had ever been pregnant. How could I have done that to her? Is it any wonder that they wouldn’t let me in up there? For the rest of the day I stayed alone in my room with my thoughts and my guilt.

Karma Part 3

“Mandy?” Donna’s voice invaded.

“Go away!” I said miserably.

“Mandy, are you ok? Jenny said that you haven’t been out of your room in hours and that you sent your mother away when she came earlier.”

“Go away!” I repeated.

“Talk to me please. Come on what’s wrong?” Donna pleaded.

I got myself into a seated position and yelled “GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE!” There were tears streaming down my face.

Donna came to the side of my bed and put her hand on my shoulder. “No” she said. “It’s my job to look after your health while you’re here. That includes your mental health. So I’m not going to leave until you talk to me.”

“Oh for Christ sakes! Fuck off! There how’s that for talking?” I asked bitterly and turned away from her.

“Fine you want to be stubborn, I can be stubborn too." She walked out of the room and returned a couple of minutes later with a book. “I’m not going to leave you in here crying all by yourself.” she said as she pulled up a chair and sat down.

She was really pissing me off now. Trying to reign in my temper, I said, “Please, Donna I’m alright. Really. I just need some time to myself. OK?”

“Look kiddo” she replied “I know our relationship hasn’t exactly always been the greatest, especially when you first arrived here and made so much trouble with Dr. Roy, but as time has gone on I’ve become quite fond of you. When Dr. Gold was messing with you, who stayed in the operating room making sure that he didn’t try anything funny?” I gave her no answer.

I lay in my bed lost in my guilt. Donna sat and read. The silence seemed to stretch on for hours; the only sound was the turning of her pages.

“My father told me I had a miscarriage.” I said quietly. She looked up from her book but said nothing. “He told me that my ex-husband beat me, causing it. The guilt is almost too much to bear.” I whimpered.

She came over to me, pulled me close and said “Oh honey it’s alright. You have nothing to feel guilty about. It was not your fault. He did this to you. You didn’t do anything.”

I know she was trying to comfort me, but in all honesty her words were only making things worse. She held me as I cried. Mandy was one of the best things that ever happened to me and all I ever did was shit all over her. There are no words to describe how awful this is. And the worst part is I completely deserve to feel this way.

I moped my way through the next couple of days. I didn’t leave my room unless I had to. Karen and Donna were as supportive as they could be. (Apparently Donna had told Karen what was up.) I know their hearts were in the right place but their constant belittling of Jake wasn’t exactly making me feel any better. I came to realize that there was no one I could really talk to about this. No one would be able to say anything that would make me feel better, with out me coming clean about who I truly was. That would, of course, be a one way ticket to a nice tight fitting jacket and a lovely padded room. Nope I was going to have to work this one out on my own.

I woke up at about 2AM from a whopper of a nightmare. I’d been having one just about every night since my conversation with Paul. I got up to go to the bathroom. As I got out of bed I noticed that I felt wet down there already. “Wonderful. Now I’ve regressed to bed wetting.” I thought to myself.

I turned on the light to see how bad it was. At the same time I reached for the nurse call button. After informing the duty nurse (with tremendous embarrassment) I had wet my bed, I pulled back the sheets to the damage. When I looked down I saw blood.

“What the hell?” I wondered confused. I looked down at myself and saw more on me. “What the hells going on?” I yelped as the nurse entered the room. I was panicked. All I could think of was I had ripped my stitches on my back or something.

“Amanda calm down. What’s the matter?” she asked.

Pointing at first the bed and then myself, I screamed “LOOK! I friggen bleeding. I must have torn my stitches. Get the doctor before I bleed to death!”

As she started to assess the situation and to chuckle. “What’s so damn funny?” I demanded indignantly. “Honey calm down. You didn’t rip your stitches and you’re not going to bleed to death.” She answered still giggling.

“What's wrong then? Look at all the blood!” I retorted.

“You’ve started your period.” she stated simply.

“My what? Period?” For some reason I couldn’t make a mental connection. What she was saying made no sense to me.

She looked at me like I was some kind of moron. “Yes, dear, your period. You know your menstrual cycle.” she said patiently.

“Menstrual cycle? Oh my god!” I said with dawning understanding.

“Yes, dear. Now why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll clean up this mess. When I’m done I’ll get you…Hmm. Do you prefer tampons or pads?” she inquired.

“How the hell would I know?” I asked myself. (I barely know what the difference is.) “I…I’m not sure.” I said a bit squeamishly.

She studied me for a moment. “I’ll just grab you some pads,” she said as she shooed me into the shower.

After I got out (And may I add that was one of the nastiest things I’ve ever experienced) my humiliation continued. The nurse handed me a box of pads. I took them and retreated back into the bathroom. I looked the box over but I couldn’t find the instructions. I opened the box but no manual fell out of it either. Then I decided to open on of the wrappers figuring maybe if I saw the thing it would be self explanatory.

(So much for that idea.)

After another couple of minutes the nurse knocked on the door. “Honey are you alright in there.” she asked.

Swallowing what little pride I had left, I meekly said “I don’t know what to do with this thing.”

She poked her head in the door and looked at me quizzically. “May I come in?” she asked as she entered the small bathroom. She surveyed the mess I had made and smiled. “I guess your memory problems extend to more areas that we were aware of.” With that said she gave me a quick demonstration of how to use the pad.

She left while I put on my underwear and finished getting dressed. It took more courage than I thought I could muster to walk out of that bathroom when I was done. Somehow I managed though. She was waiting for me when I came out. “All set?” she asked.

“Yeah. I think so. Thank you for your help.” I said as I climbed back into my bed.

She came over and pulled the covers over me. “Check that again in a couple of hours. If you have any problems changing it just call me.” she said merrily.

“Thanks.” I whispered. As she went out into the hallway, I pulled my pillow over my head and hid.

* * *

It’s here! It’s here! The day has finally come! Unlike my previous notable day entry this one is legit. I’m going home (Well to Mandy’s parents’ house anyhow.) today. I am finally going to get out of here! Woo hoo! No more hospital food! No more 3am wakeups to take sleeping pills! No more Dr. Roy! No more people watching me go pee! Ah life is good! Now if I only had some clothes, I’d be all set.

About two hours later Rita and Anita (Hey, their names rhyme. I never noticed that before. Think they did that on purpose?) came to get me.

“Well you certainly look better today.” Anita said.

“Well if you’d been stuck here as long as I have, you’d be psyched too.” I replied.

“I’m just glad to see you smiling. The way you’ve acting been these past few days, I was beginning to doubt we’d ever see it again.” Rita said. “I was actually talking to Dr. Roy about getting you some depression treatment. You know that your mood can affect your ability to heal. So I was really worried whether they’d let you out. But Dr. Roy, isn’t he such a nice man? Anyway he said that you’d be fine and that being home would probably bring you out of your funk.”

(Help me!)

"You know Mrs. Wasserman down the street she suffers from depression. Sometimes I see her outside in her robe at all hours of the day. So I was telling...”

“Whoa ma.” Anita interrupted “I’m sure Mrs. Wassermann’s’ depression problems are fascinating but we need to help Mandy get ready to get out of here.”

Rita continued “Oh, of course. I’m so sorry honey. You know how I get. I start talking and my mouth just takes off on me. Why just the other day I was talking to your father”

“MOM!” Anita and I hollered in unison. She gave us a chastised look and we all burst out laughing. (And it hurts like hell to laugh but I couldn’t stop.) After a few minutes we composed ourselves.

“So wait till you see what we brought for your trip home.” Anita said excitedly as she produced a yellow flowered dress. “Well what do you think?” she asked expectantly."

(Oh I don’t think you really want me to answer that.)

I put on my best fake smile and said “It’s lovely.” Looking a bit deflated Anita said to Rita “See I told you she wouldn’t like it.”

“Well she can’t wear her blue jeans so this was the best I could come up with.” Rita retorted. (Mandy always was a blue jeans kinda girl. But on those occasions she got dressed up, Woo Whee! She was smokin’! Ah, like I said before… issues! Lots and lots of issues!)

I said to the both of them “It’s okay. I do like it. Thank you very much. Can one of you give me a hand here?”

(While I can get up on my own, it hurts like a dickens so any time I can get help I take it.)

Anita helped me get to my feet and handed me the bag she was carrying. “The rest of your stuff is in there.” She said pointing at the bag. “If you need help just holler.” I smiled as I shuffled off into the bathroom.

After what seemed like an eternity, (Man those bras are tough!) I emerged once again. “Can one of you get the zipper?” I asked.

(Why do they have to put them on the back? Can anyone answer me that?)

Rita complied. When that was done, I went and took a look in the mirror. I’ll have to admit, other than being way to thin, I looked pretty good.

“Here let me get your hair. It’s a mess and I’m sure you don’t want to go out in public looking such a mess” Rita fussed. I rolled my eyes as she grabbed a brush and started to brush the little bit of hair I had. “Once you’re settled, I’ll call Conner and set up a hair appointment for you. See if he can do something with this disaster. Why they had to shave your entire head is beyond me.” Rita huffed.

“I suppose you think it would have better if they left me with half a head or better yet a Mohawk.” I laughed.

When she was as satisfied as the situation allowed, Rita grabbed her lipstick and tried to attack me with it. “MA!” I said louder that was warranted “I don’t need that right now.”

“You don’t want to wear makeup?” Anita asked in a state of shock. “Since when do you go anywhere without makeup on? Okay, what did they do with my sister? See ma, I told you they replaced her with some kind of alien!” I stuck my tongue out at her.

Then Rita got a hold of my face and applied the lipstick. I suppose it would have been fine if she stopped there, but since I stopped resisting she took that to mean I was game for an entire paint job. It wasn’t fun and it made my face feel funny, but I’ll have to admit she did a good job. When she was done I looked like a proper young (reasonably anyway) lady.

(Not that I want that or anything. But if you’re stuck, you’re stuck.)

A little while later Karen, Donna and Jen came by to say their goodbyes. It was pretty emotional and they all cried. (Ok I did too.) They told me how good I looked. Karen reminded me that I still had to come back three times a week for P.T. and to remember to do my exercises at home. Rita assured her that I would. Jen and Donna told me to be sure to stop by when I was in the building.

Finally Dr. Roy came in with my official release papers. He went over my medication schedule. When he was finished I shook his hand and he wished me well. I thanked him for all he’d done for me. It was pretty awkward. After he left the two nurses reappeared with my chariot (A K A: wheel chair) and whisked me to the car. We gave one more round of goodbyes and then Rita, Anita and I drove off.

The forty or so minute drive from Mass General to the David’s home in the upscale suburb of Newton was both exhilarating and exhausting. For a family that was as well-to-do as they (or is that we?) are, their house was not the least bit extravagant. It was a nice two story colonial with a long tree lined driveway and an attached two car garage. The back had a large wooden deck that went down to concrete patio. Off to the left was an in ground pool with a built in hot tub. Inside was a roomy but simple kitchen with an island in the center. The living room was cozy with a large fire place on one wall. Upstairs there were three bed rooms and a master suite. One of the bed rooms had been converted into an office for Paul. One of the other ones was a guest room and finally the last one was my new room.

Rita and Paul had done their best to recreate Mandy’s room from her apartment. They brought in all of her stuff and arranged it pretty much the way she had it at home. The only difference was this room was a bit larger that her old one, so they added her (err--my?) favorite chair to the ensemble. Not that I had a lot of time to take it all in. The ride pretty much wiped me out, so as soon as we got there I was ready for a nap.

I tried to explain that fact to Rita but she had an entire social schedule set up for the day. “But dear” She began “The Murphy’s from down the street are coming over in a little while. Then your friends Pat and Kim (Aw no! Not those two! I can’t stand them!) should be stopping by this afternoon. Tonight I was going to have Aunt Phyllis and Uncle Rob come by for dinner.”

“Ah Mom isn’t that a little much for her first day back?” Anita asked.

“What do you mean too much?” Rita asked incredulously “I’ve told the Walton’s, the Wasserman’s, Aunt Jean and uncle Tony, the Kraft’s, and the Quigley’s to wait until tomorrow.”

Anita and I looked at each other and started laughing. “Then this weekend” Rita continued “I was planning to have a small dinner party, in your honor Amanda. Just a small gathering. Oh let’s see… I left the guest list around here somewhere…. Ah here it is. So I invited….."

“Guest list ma?” I interrupted. “I thought you said a small party.”

“Well it will be a small one.” she replied. “Just….. Hmmm… let me count…. forty or so people.” We both stared at her. “What?” she asked. “Is that not enough?”

“Just forty people?” Anita exclaimed. “Ma, Mandy just got out of the hospital for crying out loud. She’s gonna need to rest a bit and get her strength back. I think you should wait until she’s ready, then you can have everyone over.” Pointing at me as she continued “Look she’s practically falling asleep in the chair for Christ sakes!”

I smiled weakly at them. "Could one of you help me up?” I requested. Anita complied. I walked over to Rita and kissed her on the cheek. “Ma I know you mean well and I really do want to see everyone (NOT!) but right now I really really need to get some sleep. Nita can you help me up stairs please?”

Rita looked stricken. “I’m sorry dear I just thought…”

“I know mom.” I jumped in. “Don’t worry. It’s fine. I just need to sleep.”

Anita got me up stairs and helped me get changed into some pajamas. “Once you’re settled, I’m going to have to head out.” she stated.

“You're gonna leave?” (Please don’t leave me alone here with that woman!) I asked.

“Well yeah silly.” she answered. “I’ve got a husband and son to take care of too, you know.”

I smiled goofily. “Oh yeah. I’m sorry; I must be more tired that I thought. I totally forgot about them.”

She looked a little hurt but said, “Don’t worry about it sis. Just get some sleep and I’m sure you’ll feel better later.”

“Anita.” I said sleepily “Thank you for everything.” Whether she replied, I can’t tell you because I passed out.

I woke up some time later soaked in sweat with the sound of a baby crying echoing in my ears and a scream lodged in my throat. I surveyed my surroundings, initially unsure of where I was. After a few seconds it came to me, I was in Mandy’s parent’s house. “It was just a nightmare!” I thought to myself. “and a doozie too. I gotta get my hand on something to help with them.”

Not wanting to announce that I was awake to Rita, I struggled to my feet and shuffled out of my room and into the bathroom. As I passed the mirror on the medicine cabinet, I caught a glimpse of myself. I turned to get a full view and was pretty horrified by what I saw. (Mental note: Always wash makeup off before sleeping.) I quickly grabbed a face cloth and washed my face. When that was done and I didn’t look like a refugee from Clown College, I sat and took care of business.

The sound for the flush must have alerted Rita to my new found consciousness. As I walked out of the bathroom, I heard her coming up the stairs. (Here we go.) As she topped the stairs she said “Well good evening sleepy head.”

“Evening?” I replied.

“Yes dear” Rita answered. “It’s just past seven.” “Seven?” I asked a little perplexed. “It can’t be seven. It’s dark at seven.” I went on.

“Not in the spring and summer dear.” she retorted.

Still confused I thought about it for a second and then the little light bulb turned on. “It’s May, you dumb ass.” I thought to myself. I had missed the end of winter and the beginning of spring while I was in the hospital. I felt like I was in some kind of time warp for a few seconds.

“I canceled everyone coming over.” she said. “But Pat and Kim want you to call them as soon as you feel up to it.” I must have looked as agitated as I felt, thinking about having to call the bitch crew. “What’s wrong dear?” Rita inquired “Don’t you want to talk to your friends?”

I thought for a moment before I replied. “Mom. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to them… It’s just… I don’t really remember them.” I answered.

She gazed at me sympathetically and said “I’m sorry Amanda. You’ve come so far since that first day in the hospital. I guess I forget you still have trouble remembering things.” She clutched me in a bear hug. “I’m so glad you’re finally home. Finally safe.” she whispered as she kissed my cheek.

“I’m glad to be here.” I replied. (The moment was so sweet, I thought I was going to need an insulin shot.)

“Are you hungry?” She asked.

Strangely the mere mention of food made my stomach rumble. “Absolutely.” I answered. “What would you like?” Rita inquired.

“Anything that isn’t hospital food.” I replied grinning.

“I think you can be reasonable sure we don’t have any of that here. However if you’ve developed a taste for it, I think we can hire on of their cooks to prepare some for you.” Rita retorted. I gave her a dirty look as we both began laughing.

We went down stairs and Rita made me a nice juicy steak with a baked potato on the side. (Delicious!!) While I ate, we talked. Rita gave me a run down on who was who in the extended family. At one point she even broke out a couple photo albums. We had a lot of fun looking through the old photos. After a bit though I noticed that there were no pictures of Mandy and me from when we were married. Although I was pretty sure that I knew the answer, I still had to ask her why.

“Oh I think they’re in one of the other albums.” she said obviously lying.

“Could you find it for me?” I asked. “I really like to see what he looks like.”

Rita glanced around nervously. After a few moments she relented. “Amanda,” she said, “the truth is we didn’t save any of your wedding pictures after you divorced him.”

“How come?” I asked somewhat agitated.

She looked at the floor and said “Because you told me to get rid of them. Once it was over you said that you didn’t want any reminders of him. So we did as you requested. Not that we wanted to keep them or anything. But still you looked very beautiful at your wedding. So in that way it was hard to throw them out. But considering some of the horrible things he did to you, we weren’t all that broken up about losing the pictures of him.”

I took a minute think over what she had said before I replied. Could I have really been that bad that Amanda wanted to forget I was ever married to her? She had never acted like that when I had seen her subsequently. I mean I knew her family didn’t like me, but I guess I never realized that they hated me. Then again I kinda did beat the crap out of her a few times. (Well quite a few actually.)

I guess my introspection went on longer than I realized because Rita put her hand on my arm and said “Earth to Mandy.”

“Oh.” I said coming out of my daze. “I’m sorry mom; I guess I just got kinda lost in thought there for a minute.”

“Did you remember something?” she asked hopefully.

“No. Not really. I was just wondering what I had been thinking to marry someone like that. I mean there must have been something good about him, at least at first.”

“To be honest, I never understood what it was that attracted you to him. At first I thought maybe it was the bad boy thing, but anyone that spoke to him for more than a couple of seconds could tell that he was anything but. Actually he was a loser. Pure and simple, loser. He wasn’t even that good looking either. So what you saw in him is a pure mystery as far as I’m concerned.”(Jeeze lady, don’t hold back, tell me how you really feel.)

“Well…I’m not sure what to say.” I stammered.

“There’s nothing to say, especially after this latest episode.” Rita replied. “With the police looking to arrest him, I’d be surprised if he hasn’t high tailed it to Montana by now. It’s not like he’d survive being in prison. Not without becoming someone’s girl friend.” she continued.

The sheer irony of that last sentence made me smile. “Well it’s true.” Rita said mistaking the reason for my smile.

“I’m sure it is.” I said tiredly. “Well Ma, thank you for dinner and showing me the pictures, but I’m beat. I’m gonna go back to bed.”

“Do you need any help?” she asked.

“No, I should be alright.” I replied. As I shuffled by her she stopped me and gave me a gentle hug and a light kiss on the cheek. Not knowing what else to do I kissed her back and headed off to bed. And that’s how my first day living in Mandy’s parent’s house went. Not too exciting but certainly educational.

By Amanda D.