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Home Alone

By

Susan Brown

Chapter 2

I couldn’t believe it...

It was me, but me as I had never seen myself before.

I was so very young, but even I could tell, looking at the girl in the
mirror with the wide eyes and a silly grin on her face, that I was actually
looking at what my sister would look like. The sister I never had. But, believe
it or not, it was ME!!

The dress looked as if it was made for me. My hair, which wasn’t very long
but long enough to be teased into a girly style, made me look the girl I wanted
to be. The socks and the shoes, all made me feel the way I had never truly felt
before…a complete girl!

At that moment I knew that one day, however long it took, I would become the
girl that I was, already deep inside of me.

‘Wow, David, you look great. I can’t believe how much you look like a girl.
Now I know what you mean. I can’t call you David dressed like that, what shall
we call you. Have you got a favourite name?’

‘I like Katie.’

‘Ooh that’s a nice name. From now on when you are dressed like a girl, you
will be Katie. What a shame, being brought up a boy when you really are a
girl.’

‘One day I will be a girl outside as well as inside.’ I whispered to myself.

‘What?’

‘Nothing Sarah, let's play new house.’

It was a game we made up using Sarah’s dolls house. We emptied out the rooms
of dolls' furniture and put it back as if we had just moved in new.

I felt wonderful in the dress. I loved the way it swished as I moved. The
panties felt lovely and silky against my skin and I just LOVED the way my hair
brushed against my shoulders whenever I moved my head.

I caught sight of my reflection as we played make believe and all I could
see was two young girls playing. Not a sign of a boy anywhere. Bliss.

The time flew by and all too soon I had to change back into looking like a
boy. I hated taking off the dress, but I had to otherwise I would have been
caught out and be in trouble. I knew that my mummy would not like my being
dressed as a girl and Sarah would have been told off too.

So it was that I was back home and in my room, feeling all the worse for not
being able to look and feel like a girl for longer than an hour. I should have
been pleased at having the opportunity of feeling and looking like a girl for
even a short time, but it only brought home the fact that I was not as I should
have been...a full time girl.

Over the next few years I was able to get to wear more of Sarah’s dresses
and play at being a girl for short periods of time, but this eventually
stopped.

I still was friends with Sarah but we were not so close. She had friends at
school whereas I had never been to school.

Don’t let me give you the impression that I was always a sad and unhappy
boy. I wasn’t. I was fairly cheerful. I had my mother and she loved me and
taught me to be the best person I could be. My father was my hero. He was big
and strong and I loved him to bits.

I had my books. This helped me leave my body and be transported through the
minds of the authors to far off lands and to adventures I could only dream of.
Cinderella, Alice In Wonderland, The Narnia books and others all helped me and
became my friends as I read them again and again.

I tried to put into the back of my mind the feelings I had about being in
the wrong body. If I didn't think about it, it didn’t hurt so much.

I was 11 now and it was time for me to go school or so I thought. I must
admit to dreading the thought of going to any school and mixing with other
kids. I was shy and that's not surprising considering my sheltered upbringing.
Other kids had been to school before. They knew what it was like to be in a class
and be taught with other children.

One Sunday, after church, I was sat down by my mum and dad and the subject
of which school I was going to go to was brought up. But before that there was
another shock.

My dad looked at me and said, ‘David, we’re moving closer to London.’

‘But why Dad, it’s nice here?’

‘I know son, but I need to be closer to my office. I am getting tired of
spending hours on the road, getting up early and not coming home until late. I
don’t see enough of you and your mother and this will be a lot better for all
of us. Also you have to go to school and as it’s the beginning of the school
year, it’s an ideal time to move.’

‘Yes David, your father is right; this is the best time to make a change. We
need to see more of each other and this is the only way we can do it,’

‘Where will we live?’

‘It’s in a village called Heaversham, its about fifteen miles from your
father's office in Surrey and it's lovely.’

‘Have you found a house yet?’

‘We've found a nice old house on the edge of the village. It has a big
garden with a stream at the end. You will love it.’

‘What about school?’

‘We have had details of several schools in the area and will have a closer
look when we get there. You will just miss the start of term, but that can’t be
avoided.’ said Dad.

Finally Mum said, ‘We are moving in a few weeks time, so you will have to
pack some of your things in some boxes and throw out anything you don’t want.’

With that I went upstairs to my bedroom to think about the bombshell that
had just been dropped.

I was a bit upset at moving. This had been my home for as long as I could
remember and it was going to be a wrench to leave. I would miss Sarah, but to
be honest, we were no longer that close. I tried to be positive and think of
the possibility of finding new friends and see new things. I dreaded the
thought of a new school though. I was worried that the kids would not like me.
After all I was a girl in a boy's body and I might get found out. Children can
be cruel and I was small for my age and had what my mum called ‘delicate
features’. I had once read a book about a fictional school and it seemed full
of bullies who put young kid's heads down toilets and beat them up for their
dinner money. I didn't want any of that!

The next two weeks were busy for me as I helped mum do the packing while dad
sorted out the new house. My secret clothes stash which had grown a bit over
the years I put my clothes in a big box and covered them with comics and then lots
of toys. I was sure that I would be able to hide the clothes somewhere in my
new room.

All too soon the day arrived for the move. I had said a tearful goodbye to
Sarah the previous night. I had promised to keep in touch and she said that she
would too.

She gave me a sports bag and said, ‘A little pressy from me. Don’t open it
until you get to your new house and for goodness sake do NOT open it in front
of your parents!’

We arrived at the new house after about an hour's drive. It was as mum said;
a big house with a large garden. The stream at the end was nice and was more of
a river than a stream. It was a very peaceful place. I could see myself lying
by the stream reading my books or playing in the water, perhaps I would get a
boat and play Swallows and Amazons! It was nice.

My room was about twice the size of my old one, with plenty of cupboards to
put my toys and of course, my secret stash of clothes.

The house itself was very big. It was on three floors and it had a huge
basement too. Dad said that parts of it dated back to the 16th century and
that’s why some of the ceilings were so low, everyone was smaller then!

I spent hours looking through all the rooms and also the basement. It was
very dusty and my mum kept telling me off for getting my nice clothes all
dirty. But she was smiling when she said that, so I think it was OK really.

I went into my bedroom after tea and saw the sports bag that Sarah had given
to me in the corner by the bed. I had forgotten about it in all the excitement
of moving!

I carefully shut the door, Good, I noticed that there was a bolt on the
inside. I slipped the bolt across and ran over to the bag.

I put it on the bed and quickly opened it.

On top was a lovely little doll, with a pretty face and a pink dress on. I
loved it. I know I was 11 now and getting old, but what girl doesn’t have a
favourite dolly!

I put my new dolly on the bed and said to her, ‘Lets see what else is here.’

On top was a pink silky nightie that slivered through my hand as I looked at
it. It was gorgeous. I put it aside and looked at the other things. There was
another nightie, this time in pale blue. It was longer than the other one but
the same satiny fabric.

There were two dresses, one pink and the other one yellow. They were summer
dresses with thin straps. I couldn’t wait to try them on, but I was eager to
see what else was in the case.

There was one, two, three, no four panties in assorted colours, all silky
(my fav fabric!)

Some girly frilly socks and some thin tights too!

There was some tissue paper under this and I lifted it out and underneath
was another dress!

I couldn't believe my luck as I pulled it eagerly out of the case.

It was a party dress. It was a very pale lilac satin with three quarter
sleeves and it had its own petticoat underneath! It was wonderful. I just
pictured myself in it. I would be like a fairytale princess. I was so lucky to
have a friend like Sara!

At the bottom of the case was a note in an envelope.

I eagerly opened it.

Dearest Katie (or should I call you Katherine now you are growing up!)

I hope you like my little surprise. Some of the things were mine and some
I got for you at the local jumble sale. It’s great that people throw things out
that don’t look like they have ever been worn before! I was thinking of you
when I got them, especially that party dress. It was a bit small for me, but it
will fit you a treat.

I hope you can keep in touch with me. I know that I haven’t been there
for you much lately, but you know what it’s like with school and everything I
haven’t had much time for myself let alone my boy/girl friends.

Anyway, I hope you like your new school, and that you find loads of
friends.

Also, when you grow up I hope all your dreams come true and you become a
true girl outside as well as in.

Don’t forget me.

All my love,

Hugs and kisses

Sarah.

I hugged my dolly with tears of joy at the lovely presents and of sorrow
that I had lost Sarah.

I hid the case under the bed, but, no way would I put my dolly in a dark
case--I put her on the pillow. If Mum said anything, I would just say the
truth. It was a present from Sarah and it would remind me of her.

I went to bed that night, snuggled up in my silky smooth nightie and
secretly cuddling the doll that Sarah gave me. I looked forward to my future a
bit more now. I had some decent clothes to wear (in private, of course) I had
my dolly, who I named Becky. I had a new house and a new start. Perhaps going
to school would mean I make new friends and I may even find a new girl friend
who I can tell about my big secret, wanting to be a girl outside and not just
in private with the doors shut and bolted.

Over the next few days, when I had the chance, I tried on all my new
clothes. They all fit very well and every time I looked at myself in the mirror
I marvelled at how Katie looked. I loved the feel of the clothes, the way my
dresses swished against my bare legs. The panties were so much more
comfortable--soft and silky--than my rough boy's pants.

And the party dress! Ooh I WAS a princess when I put it on. The petticoat
made the dress stand out and it was so pretty I literally ached to wear it to
some swish party where I would be the belle of the ball, just like Cinderella.

One day, I was in my room and I decided that I wanted a drink, so I got up
from the chair I was sitting on and I was silly enough to trip over a discarded
shoe. My hand shot out to stop myself falling and I grabbed one of the ornate
knobbly things on the side of the fireplace. It sort of moved sideways as I
grabbed it. I picked myself up and as I did so, I noticed a large crack at the
side of the fireplace.

‘Oh no,’ I thought, ‘I’ve broken the fireplace now!’

I went over to it and tried to push it back in place. Then I noticed that it
wasn’t broken. The whole fireplace seemed to be on hinges! It was a sort of
door. I got my fingers between the crack and pulled. It was very stiff but
after heaving really hard, the crack widened and then the complete fireplace
swung open with a creak. Bits of soot came down on the floor and there was a
sort of musty smell in the air. It looked like it hadn’t been opened for years.

I looked inside and saw in the dim light, a small room. I grabbed my
flashlight and went to have a look; perhaps there was treasure!

I was a bit disappointed, as it was empty. The room was about 6 feet square
and made of rough brick. There were no windows or furniture, just a plain room.
Perhaps it was one of those old bolt hole rooms that I read about in history. I
came back out again and tried to shut the secret door. It swung shut with a
creak. The ornate knob on the fireplace clicked and the door was shut.

I moved the knob sideways again and there was another click and the secret
door opened again. This was great! I now had a place to hide my girly things. I
lost no time in taking my girls clothes from under my bed. I put them all in
the secret room and they were now safe now from prying eyes.

We settled in quickly and in no time at all, I was taken around several
schools to see which one was best for me. We had just missed the start of term
and they were, of course, full of kids!

To be honest I didn’t like any of the schools except a private one, but mum
and dad thought that it was too exclusive, whatever that means. The other
schools were big noisy places with kids shouting at one another. All the boys
looked bigger and stronger than me and to be honest, a lot of the girls too.

We couldn’t decide on which one, so Mum and Dad took me to as local
restaurant for dinner that night so we could work out which school I should go
to.

In the end we chose the smallest one, only 500 pupils! It was split roughly
50 – 50 boys and girls and it was the best of a bad bunch.

We finished dinner and left the restaurant. It had started to rain hard, so
we ran to the car, getting soaked in the process. It was very dark and the rain
was beating down on the windscreen. Dad could hardly see where he was going.

Anyway, this is where it gets a bit sketchy, I remember we were about 5
minutes from home, because I recognised a farm sign as we passed it and then
all hell broke loose. There was a big bang from the front of the car; a bright
light and then everything went blank.

Copyright Susan Brown 2004 - 2007