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I was about half way through eating my steak sandwich when Leslie laughed slightly. "You don't have to be totally alone hon."

"What are you talking about?"

"There is always Bob."

"Who is Bob?"

"Not who, but what," Leslie told me and I still didn't get it. "Bob is
a vibrator. Sometimes we girls best friend is our vibrator."

MAU- Could I have this Dance? Part Two

*****

I spent the rest of my first day at work learning about the machines and how very little was known about them. One thing I learned was every single one had ceased to work after four days.

Then there were a few case files. The names had been deleted to protect these users. RAT was right; people did the most bizarre things with them. A possible theory began to form in my mind. Could these machines affect how the people who find them and use them think? There was some anecdotal evidence to support this theory. Maybe with time it could be proved or disproved.

Going back to work and having something to keep me occupied worked wonders for me. I really needed to get out of the facility and back into the real world. While busy at work my mind rarely dwelled on the personal problems I was having.

On my second day at work I took a box from storage that had originally been found in the Philippines two years earlier. Using an electron microscope, I examined every inch of the box. Two things I learned, first that the box was made of some metal not known to man. Second there was no flaw or opening anywhere along its surfaces.

My third day of work consisted of conducting tests on the same box. It was in the early afternoon when P stopped by.

"RME, we got some news for you." She said handing me a slip of paper. I read the message. It was from Mr. Young, my attorney. "I got a court hearing next Monday."

The news both excited and scared me. Then there was another problem. "I am supposed to be working here Monday."

"RME, don't worry about that. This hearing is important. This also applies if you have appointments with either Dr. Mandel," P told me. "You'll find I'm very flexible and accommodating."

Right then I almost started to cry. "I don't what to say but thank you."

"You're welcome RME. I have some more news. You need to go see my administrative assistant; your new identity is ready."

Right then my new life began. I was now officially Jeoun Mi Cheung.

As happy as I was to get my new identity, I was sad also. For it meant in a way Jack McGee was dead. That part of my life was now over. What lie ahead for me as Jeoun Cheung looked terribly uncertain.

Now I was no longer an unperson or a woman without an identity. Thanks to my employer I had an identity and even a past. The first documents and identifications I received were the ones I expected. A Virginia driver's license, a US Passport and a Social Security card and number. All were in the name of Jeoun Mi Cheung.

Other documents surprised me but perhaps they shouldn't have. A South Korean birth certificate in the name of Cheung Jeoun-Mi. I got a ROK passport also in the same name. Now I was a citizen of both countries. There was also a Naturalization Certificate dated July 4, 1997 in the packet of documents.

Then I saw the most surprising document of all, a Washington State marriage certificate. I had married my male self or Jack McGee, on June 23rd, 1995. Along with the marriage license came another document. A death certificate showing one John Patrick McGee had died on September 19, 1997. Cause of Death- Injuries suffered in a Motor vehicle accident. Now Jack McGee was officially dead.

Seeing the last document proved too much for me. It was like a nail in a coffin for my past life. Suddenly I began to tremble and feel faint. KC saw this at once and she and another employee helped me to a nearby chair.

"I'm dead. I'm dead." I muttered to myself.

"No you aren't," KC told me. "You are just starting life again new. P is working very hard so you can be a mother to Brittney and Adam. Won't that be worth it?"

I nodded my head. "Yes it would." An employee then got me a cup of water to drink and I drank it. I took about five minutes to re-compose myself before going back to learning more about the life of Jeoun Mi Cheung.

There was a great deal more to learn. A legend or life history had been created for me. My new birth date was March 3rd, 1972. I had lost seven years off my life but still had the same birth date. Place of birth- Inchon South Korea. My parents were Kim Soo-Mi and Cheung Hwang-Po. Both now deceased, I was also an only child.

My life history showed me living at one time or another in Inchon, Hong Kong, Singapore and Kuala Lumpur. My father was some kind of businessman and we moved around quite a bit. This meant I had a large set of school transcripts from the many schools I attended.

Then there was my diploma. I had a Masters Degree in Mathematics from Washington State University. There were copies of the appropriate college transcripts also in the packet.

"KC, can I ask you something?"

"Absolutely. Are you feeling better now?"

"Yes I am. I saw all these records and history of mine. They all look so good and authentic. If someone were to check them out, would they hold up to scrutiny?"

It was a fair question and KC said immediately. "Yes RME they would. We have done this for others like you in the past and never once had a problem."

"Ok I had to ask."

"No problem," KC said back. "P told me to answer any and all questions you have. She had to go to a meeting on the hill."

I hadn't been in the DC metro area very long, but knew some of the lingo. The hill meant Congress or Capitol Hill. Then I went back to my reading.

There were also bank records. I now had a healthy checking account at First Union and an ATM card linked to a savings account also at First Union. A small brokerage account was at Merrill Lynch where I also had an IRA account.

There were also records for me that showed I now collected an Army pension for my late husband. I'd be getting a monthly check for this. Again I began to feel overwhelmed and needed to take a time out. At least I had been sitting when seeing this.

I wasn't done yet either. There had always been something rattling in the envelope. At the bottom were a set of car and house or apartment keys.

"KC am I getting a car?"

The administrative assistant turned around to look at me. "Yes you are RME. A Toyota Corolla has been bought for you. It's being checked out in the shop right now. You'll have it by day's end."

"And these?" I said pointing to what looked like house keys.

"Sorry," KC then looked in her out tray and took something out. Then she walked over and handed it to me. "I was supposed to put that in the packet. We only got it this morning, it's for an apartment leased for you in Arlington."

Right then I started crying. I felt overwhelmed by all this help I had gotten. "I can't believe what all of you are doing for me."

KC had sat back down at her desk now but rolled over in her chair to give me a box of Kleenex, "It's alright RME, this is what we do for people like you."

"It's too much."

"No it isn't. Once you come to work here, you're like family to P and everyone else here."

"She did too much for me." I told KC.

"We're all pulling for you in this fight with your wife. P made sure you got the best legal help available."

I then started crying even more. They had done so much for me. I was also thinking of all my efforts again to get a box open in hope in order to change back. If a miracle happened, I'd feel ashamed to all this work for me would go for naught.

Then I thought of something. "I don't know where this apartment is. My stuff is back at the other place."

"Don't worry RME, your things were moved this morning. I also live very close to you, you can follow me home."

"Please don't go out of the way for me?"

KC smiled. "It isn't out of the way at all. I go by that apartment house every single day I report to work. We can even car pool if you want."

"Thank you for everything KC."

"No problem RME."

I studied the documents I received for a few more minutes before placing them back in the large manila envelope. Then I went back to the lab and RAT.

Later that afternoon I got my car. A used Toyota Corolla with 18,000 miles on it. Someone had really gone the extra mile for me; car seats were in back for both Adam and Brittney. Following KC I made the drive to nearby Arlington.

The apartment I now had was a furnished two-bedroom affair with a small living room and kitchen in between. It may not have been spacious but it was homey. Kind of like some of the Army living quarters I had shared with Linda and the children at Ft. Lewis.

All my possessions were already in the apartment. All in boxes that were neatly stacked. I'd have lots of unpacking to do. I would also have to stock up on food, but the best news was I was living on my own again.

Later that night I cried not out of sadness but because of the generosity others had shown towards me. There is a saying; if you get lemons, make lemonade. I guess I would do the best I could with my new female life.

The next day another box came in. Some members of a college fraternity in Ohio had used it.

"Any results yet?" P asked as she entered the room.

"No Ma'am," I told my boss as she walked around the room. "We're still trying though."

"Trying is not good enough!" P said sounding like a martinet. What had gotten into her? She had always seemed so nice on other occasions.

"We're trying Ma'am." I said. For some reason RAT was acting like nothing was going on.

"Another thing! I can't have one of my departments looking like its staffed by a couple of refugees from a Kmart store. LES!!!"

A tall and very buxom African-American woman walked into room as if on cue. "Yes P."

"I have an assignment for you this weekend...."

"Hello LES" I said to my co-worker as I climbed in her SUV that was parked outside my apartment. It was just after 9 a.m. on Saturday morning. "Thanks for picking me up."

"No problem RME. You can call me Leslie by the way."

"Thanks Leslie. You can call me Jeoun."

"You're welcome Jeoun. How is your place shaping up?"

"Slowly getting there. I still have some boxes to unpack and some more things to put away."

Leslie laughed "Hon when I get through with you this weekend, YOU'LL have a lot more to put away."

The real purpose of P's visit the day before was to set me up with Leslie for a weekend out purchasing a new female wardrobe for myself. My new boss apparently didn't care too much for Kmart fashions.

"I thought at first P was angry at me."

My co-worked laughed. "P mad at one of us? Never, she was just putting on a little act."

"I figured that out after she called for you to come in." I told Leslie. "It was obviously staged."

"So you like your new place?"

"It's nice. I feel overwhelmed at what was done for me."

"Jeoun, we help people like you. The same thing that happened to you happened to me."

"You mean you were a man before using the box too?" I asked remembering what RAT had once told me about LES.

Leslie nodded her head as she made the drive to Bethesda. I had asked on getting in the car if she knew the directions but my co-worker had come prepared. "Yes I was and like you I got changed by the wife or in my case Stacey my girlfriend."

"Really?"

"Yes Really. Happened a year ago last April. I was a white guy too."

"You heard about what happened to me?"

"Hon, we know all about the people who use those crazy fucking boxes. But don't worry we don't talk shop except among ourselves. Nobody ever finds out." Leslie explained to me.

"The place seems very secretive."

"That's an understatement hon. Only a few people in town know about us or
what we do."

I just sat quietly in the car as Leslie continued to drive. Today was my day to spend with Brittany and Adam. I had been looking forward to this ever since saying goodbye to them the previous Sunday.

Leslie then spoke up. "You want to hear my story?"

"Go ahead."

Leslie told me how she had once been Richard Banks, a computer sciences PHD candidate at the University of Maryland. Back in April 1996 the doctoral candidate lived in College Park Maryland with his live-in girlfriend Stacey Ford.

Similar to me and my wife Linda, it was Richard's girlfriend Stacey who found the machine and introduced her boyfriend to it. It seemed the former Jack McGee wasn't the only man with a wife or girlfriend who harbored some lesbian tendencies or fantasies.

"I come home on Friday afternoon after going for an interview for doctoral thesis and Stacey said she found this weird box. She told me what it could do to people too. It was too incredible." Leslie explained.

"That is so similar to what happened with me and Linda."

Leslie explained further. Stacey like Linda used some fast talking on Richard to convince him to become a woman in order for her to experiment sexually.

"Stacey experimented too. We were both a couple of computer nerds. I mean most people never give us the time of day look wise. That's why the machine was a gift for both of us."

"Then she got changed too?"

"Nope, the lucky bitch changed back Monday night. I went to use it on Tuesday morning and found out it wasn't working."

Leslie went on to describe what had happened in between Friday and Tuesday. What she called a ‘lesbian fuck fest' with both computer nerds trying on different bodies thanks to the machine. All while never leaving the apartment the whole time.

"We were a couple of real energizer fuck bunnies," Leslie explained as we neared Bethesda. "Stacey and I even did some time as two Asian girls like you. That was a real hot session. I just didn't like being so short, no offense hon."

"None taken." I said. It was a myth that all Asian females were short or tiny. While in South Korea I didn't remember too many women that were less than 5'3. My height of 5'5 was quite average.

"Stacey and I tried out just about every body type and race there was at least once," Leslie explained some more to me. I think she felt a bond to me and felt like talking because Leslie had no one else to tell this all to. "This one I'm now was based on some Jamaican friend Stacey had once. Except my girlfriend gave me a bigger rack. See Stacey likes big breasts."

"You do seem big up top."

Leslie laughed "38dd to be precise hon. Anyhow Stacey found this body real hot. It was one of the first bodies I took and also the last."

"I'm sorry you got stuck."

"Hon there is nothing to be sorry about. I like being this way," Leslie told me. She told me how with money given to her by the agency I now worked for she had opened her own computer consulting business and because she was a minority was able to land some lucrative govt. contracts. "I'm not bragging, but I'd be a nobody now if not for that box."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks hon. I am a successful woman in part because of what happened with Stacey. You know I like being a woman. Before I was such a nerdy guy. I like being feminine and pretty."

"You are pretty." I told Leslie. She was wearing what looked like designer clothing that hugged her body in all the right places. Her black hair was in braids and the woman wore more than a fair bit of gold jewelry.

"Thanks hon, you're hot too if you don't mind me saying."

"Are you still living with Stacey?"

Leslie shook her head. "No we broke up last spring. She was a Lug any way."

"What's a Lug?"

"Lesbian until graduation," Leslie explained. We were now only a couple of miles now from where Linda and the children lived. We'd be there in a few minutes. "Usually two white college girls who think fucking each other is cool. When they graduate they go back to being heterosexual bitches."

"I'm still sorry to hear you broke up."

"Don't worry hon, there is plenty of fish in the sea."

When we got to Linda's I got out of the car and went into the apartment by myself. Leslie offered to join me but I said I'd do it alone. My thinking was I didn't want any spectators in case Linda and I began fighting again.

Ten minutes later I was back to the car but only with Brittney. "Where's your boy?" Leslie asked.

When I got to the apartment I found out Adam was running a temperature and for a change Linda and I agreed. My son needed to stay in bed. I explained this all to Leslie as I got in the car. "I agreed with Linda, it was best Adam stay home."

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright," I told Leslie as we pulled back out onto the road. "Brittney please say hello to Leslie."

"Hello Leslie." Brittney said.

"Nice meeting you Brittney. What would you think if we spend all day today shopping so to get your new Mom all new clothes?"

"That would be so cool." Brittney said.

Leslie, Brittney and I had a girl's day out Saturday. The whole day spent taking me from one clothing store to the next. I don't think I tried on so many clothes in my life before that day.

Like our trip to Kmart, Brittney had a great time helping pick out clothing for me. This time even more so, since I was buying dresses and skirts. My daughter often telling me how pretty I looked in this dress or that skirt.

I was again enjoying this mother-daughter time and got thoroughly caught up in the experience. I'd never thought I would wear clothes like this but then my life was no longer the same. If I felt sad that day it was because Adam wasn't with me. I missed my son.

Brittney was much more cheerful than the prior week. I still couldn't help but see my girl was upset that her parent's marriage was breaking up. But what could I do?

We also bought a few things for Brittney. While she was trying on some clothes in a dressing room, Leslie and I talked just outside.

"She's a precious little thing," Leslie told me. "You are so lucky hon."

"Thank you."

"Brittney loves her new Mom too."

"I know. I'm blessed by her and Adam."

"You won't get any argument out of me on that hon," Leslie told me. "If Adam is even one tenth of his sister, you have two special children."

"They're my life now. I'd be lost without them."

"I hear yah hon. You are so lucky. I wish I had a child like yours."

"What's stopping you?" I asked.

"Hon, you know my name at your work?" Leslie asked and I replied yes I did. "LES isn't just short for Leslie. It's short for lesbian too. I haven't ever let a guy fuck me and never will."

"You could always get pregnant by artificial means if you want."

"Yes I guess so," Leslie said. "Or I could meet someone who had her own children."

I was contemplating Leslie's broad hint when Brittney then stepped out. She was wearing a pink colored dress. "What do you think?"

My daughter looked precious in this outfit. "You look great Princess. We'll buy it."

By 8:30 p.m. I had bought over a dozen new outfits for myself. We then went back to my Arlington apartment where we began to put everything away.

When everything was hung in the closet, Leslie told Brittney. "When we get done with your Mom, she'll have a wardrobe most women would envy. Now I got to make sure tomorrow your Mom gets some shoes!"

It was starting to get late and Brittney had to get ready for bed. Leslie knew this so she began to say her goodbyes before walking to the front door.

"Leslie you could stay over if you want." I told my new friend. "Brittney can sleep in with me."

"Thanks hon, but you need time alone with your girl. What time are you going to mass again?"

"9:30."

Leslie thought for a few minutes. "I'll be back at 9:00 to pick both of you up. See ya then hon. Ciao!"

I then let Leslie out of the apartment. After locking the front door I went to find Brittney. It was time to get her ready for bed.

Leslie arrived at 9 a.m. as promised. At the time Brittney and I were just finishing getting dressed. As soon as this was done, we joined Leslie for the short drive to St. Ann's.

After mass all three of us had breakfast at a nearby bagel shop. After that Leslie drove us back to Bethesda to drop Brittney off at her mother's. Like with her and Adam's previous visits, it was far too short as far as I was concerned. I hated saying goodbye to Brittney.

The entire afternoon was spent again shopping for more clothes for me. Dresses and skirts again but also an assortment of footwear and handbags to go along with them. Along with the purchases, Leslie was telling me what to wear with what. It began to all get terribly confusing after a while and I told Leslie this.

"Don't worry hon, you'll learn soon enough. Once Brittney comes to live at your apartment, you can ask her for help."

"Yes I can." My daughter was very enthusiastic when helping out her new mother. Sometimes it made me feel like crying.

Leslie's comment reminded me of my legal battle with Linda over the children. Two days of shopping had diverted my mind temporarily from this troubling matter. At mass that day I had prayed in church for a resolution that most benefited Brittney and Adam. I wanted the best for my children.

One place we visited while I was out was Victoria's Secret. Leslie insisted I get some proper undergarments rather than the Kmart brand stuff I was then using. Before exiting the store I had bought ten more 34b brassieres and even purchased a night gown that left little to the imagination. That had been Leslie's idea, though I had to wonder who I would be wearing this garment for.

Leslie and I got back to the apartment about 6:30. On the way home we got take-out Chinese food. After bringing everything into the apartment, Leslie and I sat down and ate before putting more of my new wardrobe away.

While putting my clothing away I turned on one of the two televisions in the apartment. ESPN that night had on a Sunday Night Football game. Denver and Dallas were playing.

"I love Dallas," Leslie told me as we were just finishing up. "I never really cared for the Redskins myself. Who's your favorite?"

South Dakota where I grew up was a professional sports wilderness but I had always liked sports. "The Vikings I guess."

"There we're done. What do you think?" Leslie said asking my opinion of how she had set up my closet. It was about three quarters full now with plenty of room for more clothes.

"I guess I got a closet of women's clothes now. It looks good, thank you Leslie for everything you did for me this weekend."

"You're welcome. I liked helping you out hon."

"What outfit would you recommend for me for court tomorrow?"

"That's easy," Leslie said pointing to a Gray dress suit I bought at Penney's the day before. "I'd wear this if I were you. Just iron it first. You got an iron and know how to use it?"

"Sure do. I even know not to iron like John Smoltz." Then we both laughed. John Smoltz was the major league baseball pitcher who some years back burned himself while trying to iron some of his clothes. While he was still wearing them!

"Good for you girl," Leslie told me as we exited the bedroom together. "You could still use some more things. Maybe we can get together again in two weeks. I'll be out of town next weekend."

"I appreciate everything you have done for me."

"No problem Jeoun, I am glad to be able to help you out."

The television set out in the living room was on and the football game had just kicked off. "Would you like to stay and watch the game for a while?"

Leslie said instantly. "Sure, I'd love to."

After everything Leslie had done for me, it was now time for me to play hostess. "Want something to drink?

"A beer if you got it."

I had bought a six-pack of Bud Light when I went grocery shopping three days earlier. Some male habits were going to be hard to lose. "Sure do."

About a minute later I brought Leslie a beer. I had gotten a Diet sprite for myself. "Cheers."

"Cheers to you too hon." Leslie said after we clinked our beverages together. She spoke again after taking a long swig of beer. "This is just heaven. Got a beer to drink, a football game to watch and a beautiful woman seated next to me."

Leslie and I watched the game while talking about nothing in particular. The football game soon turned into a rout for Dallas due to Denver turnovers. As halftime approached the game looked all but over.

As the game progressed Leslie slowly inched a little closer to me on the couch. By the second quarter her left hand was often found on my right thigh. By halfway through the period Leslie had taken to wrapping her left arm around me as we now sat as adjacent to each other as possible. Soon enough I had my right hand on Leslie's thigh.

"Such a soft touch," Leslie told me. "You rub any where you want hon."

Then the two minute warning came. With it Leslie bent over and gave me a kiss. I didn't fight it but rather returned with a peck of my own onto her full lips.

"We're almost at half-time." I told Leslie.

"Yes we are hon," Leslie said as she bent over to kiss me again. "I got an idea."

"What's that?"

"Remember that gown we bought at Victoria's?" Leslie asked and I said yes. "How about you try it on hon? Maybe give me a half-time show to watch."

I went to the back to the bedroom and did like Leslie suggested. The game was at half-time when I re-emerged into the living room.

"Whew, it's become so warm in here," Leslie said as she got up from the couch and pretended to fan herself. "Do you know why that is hon?"

"I don't know." I said innocently as Leslie came closer to me. She was really giving me a look over right then.

"It's you girl, you're just so damn hot. Right now I'm so in the mood to eat some more Chinese."

I only took a second to understand what Leslie meant by the word 'eat'. "I'm Korean."

"Chinese, Korean, what's the difference?" Then Leslie wrapped her arms around my neck and the two us began to kiss very passionately.

Leslie and I were kissing and groping one another when something clicked in my mind. I then disentangled myself from Leslie. "I can't do this."

"Can't do what hon?" Leslie asked me back. I could see the lust she had for me in those dark brown eyes of hers.

"I can't, I can't. I can't do it. Can't have sex with you."

"Can you tell me why?" Leslie asked back. The lust in her eyes was gone and now anger seemed to be replacing it.

"Leslie I don't know, I don't know. Leslie I'm just not..."

Now Leslie was definitely angry. "You're just another bi bitch like my Stacey was. I got fucked over by her. I'm not going to let it happen again."

I watched as Leslie stormed over to grab her purse. "Leslie it's not that at all."

"Then what is it hon? You were coming on to me just minutes ago. Then you get all dolled up for me and now you can't do it! Explain to me because I don't get it."

Leslie was heading toward the apartment door but I blocked her path. "Leslie it's not you. I'm not just not..."

"You're just not sure if you're gay, bi or straight."

"No Leslie let me explain."

"Explain nothing bitch!" Leslie said very angrily. "I know your type. You want to have it both ways, lick and prick. Sorry I don't want to share myself with someone who don't want to be faithful to me and to me only.

"I like you Leslie but..." I began telling my friend but again I didn't get to finish what I was trying to say.

"But you want to know what it's like to be fucked by a guy," Leslie said as she walked around me towards the front door. I decided not to stop her. "Have a guy ram his prick into you but leave me out. Ciao!"

I didn't watch as Leslie left the apartment slamming the front door behind her. "That went so well Jack."

The next day's custody hearing didn't go all that much better. Judge Barbara Dorsett of the Arlington County Circuit Court had been assigned the case. Due to the 'sensitivity' of the matter, the hearing was held in the judge's chambers.

"Let me get this straight," Judge Dorsett said. "You're saying this woman now known as Jeoun Cheung is the children's father."

"Yes Ma'am, she is." My attorney Bill Young said.

Judge Dorsett then turned to my ex-wife and her attorney, Sheila Morgan. "Is this true?"

"Yes Ma'am it is." Linda said

The honorable Justice shook her head slightly as if she couldn't believe what was being said. "She or He was male, now she's a woman. Can you explain to me how that happened?"

My attorney spoke. "It's classified Ma'am."

"It was this box my son and daughter found." Linda said.

"We admit that Ma'am but the technology is classified." Bill Young said

Judge Dorsett still appeared to be in a state of disbelief. "According to the affidavits, Ms. Cheung formerly Jack McGee is now a biological female."

"That's correct Ma'am." My attorney said.

"We don't dispute that Ma'am." Sheila Morgan then said.

"Ok, Ok. Under Virginia state law two women can not be married. Therefore I am going to grant the motion for an immediate divorce."

"Thank you your honor." I said speaking up. Linda and I hadn't spoken a word that day. She just scowled at me from her seat three chairs away.

"Now there is the custody issue of the two minor children the couple has." Judge Dorsett said. Immediately both attorneys began presenting the position of the client they were representing.

I sat there quietly as the legal battle ensued for five to ten minutes. My mind hadn't changed in the least. I was still determined to gain custody of Adam and Brittney and I was doing it for their sake. Linda was not fit to be Adam and Brittney's mother any more. Linda then spoke up. "It's not my fault what happened to her. She is the one who used the machine."

"But look how many lives you screwed up of late."

"Me screw up someone's life?" Linda asked with laugh. "It's you Jack or Jeoun or whatever you call yourself who screwed yourself."

"See that's what I mean Linda. You don't see what harm you've done the last two months. That's why I'm asking for Brittney and Adam's custody."

"I'm their biological mother."

"Right now I am as much a mother to Adam and Brittney as you are."

"Hah." Linda said as if she didn't believe what she was hearing.

"Your honor there is this couple who my wife..."

Judge Dorsett spoke up then. "Stow it everyone. I see the motions both sides have filed including ones brought today. I'm not going to make any final decision today."

"Ok your honor." I said. A final decision wasn't realistic. The most I was hoping for was temporary custody of Adam and Brittney till the final decision was made.

"I'm going to leave the minor children in the custody of their biological mother in the time being."

"Thank you your honor." Linda said.

"Ms Cheung however will be allowed to see them every weekend and alternating holidays till I make my final decision."

Judge Dorsett laid out the custody arrangement in the meantime. Linda would have Brittney and Adam Sunday 6 p.m. till Friday 6 p.m. Otherwise, the children could stay with me. A coin flip was done for Thanksgiving, Linda won.

Other rules were also laid out for the interim till the judge rule. All of this would be issued in a court order later that afternoon.

"Seeing this week is Thanksgiving," Judge Dorsett continued saying after consulting her calendar. "I'm ordering the children to be brought to these chambers on December 4th of next week. At that time I will interview both children. Sometime after which I will make my final ruling."

"Thank you your honor." Both Linda and I said almost simultaneously.

My attorney then spoke up. "Your honor if I may suggest a court appointed psychologist to interview..."

"Mr. Young I will interview the children." Judge Dorsett said firmly. "At that time I may still order the children interviewed by a psychiatrist but not before."

"Understood your honor."

"Ms. Cheung, Mrs. McGee in the meantime I am suggesting that both of you try working out an arrangement among yourselves and your attorneys in regards to the children. At this point I'm inclined to give joint custody and not full custody as each of you are requesting. I would hope the two of you will put your squabbles aside to agree to something beneficial to both your children."

"We'll try your honor." I said.

A few minutes later Linda and I and our attorneys left Judge Dorsett's chambers. I tried to talk to my now ex-wife but Linda ignored me and continued on her way with her attorney. So much for Judge Dorsett's recommendation.

The next day I was at work when I got a surprise visitor. It was Leslie Banks. "Hi Jeoun, how are you?"

"Ok." I said as I was typed up the results of recent tests done on a box recovered last week. Like RAT said, nothing seemed to affect these boxes.

"How did the custody hearing go yesterday?"

"Linda still has custody but the judge will interview the children next week."

"I'm really pulling for you hon," Leslie told me and I said I appreciated it. "Jeoun why I came here today was to apologize. I'm sorry about the other night."

"Apology accepted. I was part to blame too."

"No you weren't. I was being a rude bitch that night," Leslie said to me. "I'd like to buy you lunch today if that's alright."

"I'd like that. Give me a couple of minutes." I told Leslie and she said fine. It took me a minute to save my work and then shut off the computer.

After that was done I went to find RAT. He was not surprisingly playing Minesweeper again. "RAT I'm going out with Les to lunch. That alright?"

"Do whatever you want to do." RAT said without breaking his concentration. I then went back to find Leslie and the two of us then left the building.

That afternoon Leslie took me to lunch at The Governor's Club. It was a gathering place for some of the capitol's movers and shakers and on entering the club I recognized two high profile members of Congress. Leslie later told me one had to be a member of the club to eat there and she was a member.

As soon as were seated, I started to study the menu. The prices in this establishment were outrageous. $19.95 for a Sandwich?

"So tell me all about yesterday." Leslie said to me and I then gave her a blow by blow.

"The judge asked Linda and I to try working something out between ourselves. Linda didn't even talk to me when we left the court."

Leslie shook her head. "She's really being a bitch. I'm so sorry."

"Me too. She is Adam and Brittney's mother and I loved her. Now look at us."

A waiter came by to ask what we wanted to drink. I ordered an iced tea and Leslie did the same.

"I'm so sorry hon, anything I can do you for or the children name it."

"Thanks Leslie. Right now I just need a friend."

"Hon you got one. I mean it."

"Thanks Leslie," I said looking down at my iced tea. Right then I felt so overwhelmed by what was going on in my life. "I'm sorry about the other night."

"You have nothing to be sorry about hon. It was I who was wrong."

"Leslie I like you. I am grateful for everything you did for me last weekend. We both have been through similar experiences."

"We sure have girlfriend."

"You're very pretty or beautiful too." I said with a shy smile.

"Thank you and you're a hot babe yourself hon."

I laughed. "Thanks, I never thought I'd ever be called a hot babe. What I want to say is it wasn't personal Sunday. It wasn't ever whether I'm gay, straight or bi. When we were kissing, I started to think of Linda and what happened."

"It's alright hon, I really understand."

"I just didn't feel right, because of what happened that day."

The waiter then came to take our orders. I ordered a steak sandwich while Leslie ordered a salad. We began talking again right after the waiter left.

"I don't blame you for feeling that way."

"Leslie I just want you to know what was going on. It wasn't personal," I explained. "Right now all I can think of are Brittney and Adam and getting our lives put back together."

"You all will hon and anything I can to do help you name it. That Brittney is a very special child."

"Yes Brittney is." I said before sipping some iced tea.

"I haven't met your Adam, but I bet he is just like his Dad."

"Well not quite. Adam was only turned into a puppy dog by Brittney for a couple of minutes." Leslie laughed very hard after hearing me tell her that story.

"At least your boy got changed back. Brittney so loves her new Mom. I'm sure Adam does too. You're so lucky hon."

"Yes I guess I am," I admitted to Leslie. "How many Moms take fashion lessons from their five year old daughters?"

Leslie cracked up again on that comment. "That just shows you how blessed you are girl. Your children love their new Mom."

"I just wanted you to understand they are the focus of my life. One day I may be ready for a relationship with someone. Right now I want to concentrate on Adam and Brittney."

"That's understandable hon."

"We can stay friends?"

"Sure. I love helping all of you out."

"Thanks. One day, when things are all more settled I may be open to a relationship."

"That's ok hon. I won't rush you. Can I be Aunt Leslie in the mean time?

"Absolutely." I told my friend. We then talked about the upcoming holiday and Leslie's trip. She was going out of town the next day. Pro football also came up about the time our lunch was brought.

I was about half way through eating my steak sandwich when Leslie laughed slightly. "You don't have to be totally alone hon."

"What are you talking about?"

"There is always Bob."

"Who is Bob?"

"Not who, but what," Leslie told me and I still didn't get it. "Bob is a vibrator. Sometimes we girls best friend is our vibrator."

Now it was my turn to crack up laughing. Lord my world had been truly turned upside down.

The following weekend I had Brittney and Adam for two days. Sunday was even Adam's birthday and I had some gifts for him. Feeling shopped out from the previous weekend, we went fishing at a small town along Chesapeake Bay. None of us caught anything but a good time was had by all.

Both Adam and Brittney were happy to see me. Particularly my son who had been sick the prior weekend. Both my children still called me Mom and I was happy for this. But I could also feel the sadness Brittney and Adam had over their parent's breakup. I just wished there was an easy solution but none was in sight.

Adam was totally potty trained by now. No more accidents. That part of life was at least easier. Brittney of course advised me on what dress to wear to Sunday Mass. On Sunday afternoon I took the children to a movie before having to return them to their mother.

After years of neglect, I had begun to find God again. I hadn't been a Sunday mass going Catholic for years. Now I wanted to go every Sunday both to repent for my sins and to pray for God's help in regards to the troubles in my life.

On Thursday Judge Dorsett saw both Adam and Brittney in chambers. Despite attempts by my attorney to start a dialogue between Linda and me about the children, Linda refused to talk.

Judge Dorsett interviewed Brittney and Adam separately. Both of my children expressed a desire for their parents to stay together. Adam and Brittney also said they loved their Dad turned Mom.

"I love my Daddy. Now Daddy is a Mommy too. I love her." Adam told the judge. Not long afterwards my son broke down crying. He didn't want to lose either of his parents.

This session in the judge's chamber was so gut-wrenching for me. Linda still refused to talk about some kind of compromise. But what could we do? The children wanted both their parents.

Before the session was over Judge Dorsett urged Linda and I to work something out. If not she would rule the following Tuesday December 9th. I tried talking to my ex-wife after leaving the chambers but Linda ignored me.

While I had the children that weekend I did a lot of serious thinking. Could Linda and I come to a compromise? I did think of one possibility and it was a big long shot. Still I planned on giving it a try.

After bringing Adam and Brittney back to their mother on Sunday night, I asked Linda if we could talk by ourselves. After thinking for a few moments, my ex-wife told the children to go to their rooms.

Linda and I both took seats in the kitchen/dining area. "Linda, I know there are a lot of bad feelings between us right now. Let's talk reasonably tonight, no yelling. For the children's sake."

"I won't if you don't."

"Ok. I have been thinking of the children and what we can do. This may sound crazy or ridiculous but hear me out."

"Fine."

"Adam and Brittney love the both of us and want us to stay together. As you know I feel any relationship with you is impossible now."

Linda was still in denial. "I am not to blame for..."

"Let's not start that argument again," I told my ex-wife who at least for the moment had shut up. "What I am suggesting is for us to live under the same roof together." This was the suggestion Dr. Mandel had made to me a couple of weeks earlier.

"You don't want a relationship with me but you want us to share a home. How or Why?"

I thought the answer to why was obvious but I then explained to Linda. "The why, is Adam and Brittney still want both of us to be their parents. All of us staying together. What I am suggesting, but I am not telling you is that we try living in the same house. You have your life, I have mine but we raise the children together."

Linda sat there quietly. It looked like she was thinking. I had given this some serious thought. What I hoped was Linda and I could put aside our differences for the sake of Adam and Brittney.

"In a way it would be like it was when I was in the Army. I'll work, you stay home with Adam. If you want to work fine, we'll figure out a way to share expenses. Whatever I just want us to not put the children through any more trauma than what they been through already. What do you think?"

Linda just stared at me for a minute. "I'll think about it."

"You think we can work something out?"

"I said I'll think about it." Linda sneered back at me.

Right then I took this as a cue for me to leave. Then I picked up my purse and stood up. "You think about it. Let me and the Judge know on Tuesday." Then I left the apartment for the drive back to Arlington.

"Ms. Morgan, where is your client?" Asked a very impatient Judge Dorsett. It was ten minutes after ten and my ex-wife Linda still hadn't arrived in court.

If I was nervous enough going into this hearing by now I wanted to climb the walls. Could Linda have taken Adam and Brittney and run for it? I had heard of custody cases where exactly that had happened.

"Your honor, I last spoke to my client yesterday. I haven't spoken to her since." Sheila Morgan said. "I'll try calling her again."

"Please do that Ms. Morgan. If your client doesn't appear soon I'm afraid I will have no choice but to have a bench warrant issued for her."

Sheila Morgan walked out of the courtroom apparently to try calling her client. Then I got an idea, so I whispered something to my attorney.

"Your honor," Bill Young said rising from his chair. "We'd like also to try finding Mrs. McGee. If it will please the court, we'd like a fifteen minute recess."

"Granted. This court is adjourned for fifteen minutes." Judge Dorsett said at the same time bringing down her gavel. Then I rose and left the courtroom.

Out in the hallway I made a single cell phone call. "KC, may I talk to P."

"Hold on RME."

"P."

"P, it's me RME. I got a problem and I don't know if you can help." I said speaking to my boss.

"Name it."

"My ex-wife Linda hasn't shown in court. Could you possibly have someone check on her? No one is answering the phone up in Maryland."

"Ok RME, I'll do that." P said back to me. "Hang in there. Help is on the way."

"Thanks P." Then the phone call ended. I decided to go back into the courtroom and wait.

As promised the court was back in session after fifteen minutes. There was still no sign of Linda or any word from her. With each additional minute the tension in the courtroom rose as did Judge Dorsett's impatience.

It was about 10:40 when my cell phone began to ring. I excused myself from the court before answering. "Hello."

"RME, it's me P."

"Did you learn anything?"

"RT has Brittney and Adam. They are all on the way to the courthouse as we speak."

"What about Linda?"

"I think I better let RT explain. Depending on traffic, they should be there in thirty to forty minutes." P told me before hanging up.

It was a few minutes before 11:30 when Adam and Brittney were brought to the court by RT. As soon as I saw them, I sensed something was terribly wrong. Both my children had apparently been crying. The moment Brittney saw me, she ran up to hug me.

"Mom is gone." My daughter told me.

RT said he had something for the court. Judge Dorsett asked him to approach and after some discussion a document of some kind was handed by RT to the judge.

After reading whatever the document was, Judge Dorsett spoke. "May the attorneys and Ms. Cheung approach the bench."

I got up and approached Judge Dorsett, but not before waving to Adam and Brittney. Both children looked as if they were in shock. They were seated one row behind me in the court's gallery.

Once I reached the bench, a letter was handed over for me to read.

Jack or Jeoun,

You want the children. You can have them.

Linda

"Doctor, it just boggles my mind Linda could do this." I told Dr. Avram Mandel the next day at one of my counseling sessions. At the same time Ilana Mandel was seeing both Brittney and Adam. It wasn't really her field, but out of a professional courtesy to me their patient. "How could Linda just leave them like she did?"

What RT discovered on arriving in Bethesda the prior morning was Brittney and Adam left by themselves in the apartment. Only that letter addressed to me sitting on the kitchen table. Sometime during the night Linda had packed her belongings and left the apartment.

The worst part was she did so without even saying goodbye to Adam and Brittney. The children woke in the morning to find they were all alone. This had left both my children in a frightened state of shock. With no other choice, Judge Dorsett granted me full custody of Adam and Brittney. The judge also planned to make a recommendation that my ex-wife be charged with child abandonment. At the moment no one had a clue as to where Linda went.

I had taken all of Tuesday and today off to be with my children. Adam was often catatonic at times while Brittney could start crying at the drop of a hat. Last night both my children insisted on sleeping in bed with me.

Right now I was remaining strong for the children. On the inside I felt very hurt by Linda's actions and overwhelmed by the disastrous conclusion to my marriage. I still couldn't fathom what had happened to the woman I once loved.

Dr. Mandel then spoke. "People sometimes take actions without thinking through the consequences."

"But abandon your children without saying goodbye?"

"Ms. Cheung you have even said your wife has been behaving in odd and questionable ways of late."

I nodded. "That's an understatement. I never thought this would happen. Last Sunday I even tried to make a compromise with Linda."

"What did your wife say?"

"Nothing basically. Linda said she would think about it," I told Dr. Mandel about my offer of Linda and I living both under one roof. Separate lives but co-parenting the children together. "Linda could have asked me then if I wanted to take Adam and Brittney. I would of done it. Why did she do what she did?"

"Sometimes Ms. Cheung there is no explanation. People just do selfish things."

"But Linda was their Mother. Why would a mother abandon their children like this?"

Dr. Mandel didn't answer the question but asked one of his own. "Do you have any idea where Linda could have gone to?"

"Her mother lives near Fall River Massachusetts. She has a sister in Connecticut. Linda has family all over New England and New York. After what Linda did I'm not going to try finding her."

"I don't blame you Ms. Cheung."

"Right now I feel hurt and overwhelmed. Hurt by what Linda did. Overwhelmed by what was done to Adam and Brittney. They have been so clingy since what happened."

"You're their mother now."

"Doctor I didn't mean it as a complaint," I said firmly. "I'm more driven than ever to be the mother Adam and Brittney need. Right now the children need me very much and I want to be there for them. On the other hand I got to provide for them too."

"You said before P was being very accommodating." Dr. Mandel said.

"Yes she is. I feel guilty because of all the help I been given."

"Don't think that way Ms. Cheung. When one needs help one shouldn't feel guilty if it's no fault of their own. In this case you are not at fault."

The doctor had a point. "You may be right doctor. I have to thank you and your wife for seeing us today."

"It's quite alright. We were glad to be of assistance."

"The doctor said she would refer us to another doctor for the children?"

"Ilana works primarily with the transgendered and their families. She thinks Adam and Brittney may be better off with a different type of therapist."

I nodded. "It makes sense. They have totally accepted that I'm now their Mom."

"Yes they have."

Ilana Mandel spent ninety minutes with Adam and Brittney. After my time with Dr Mandel was over, I waited patiently outside till my children's session was over. As soon as Brittney and Adam emerged, my children ran over to hug me. They were going to need a lot of help in the weeks ahead.

As Avram mentioned, his wife Ilana referred me to another therapist for the children. Her name was Donna Schultheis and she had an office close to the Mandels. I thanked both doctors before leaving with the children.

It was already dinner time, so we stopped at McDonald's on the way home. Adam and Brittney talked some but gone was the excited banter of our recent trips. Right then I felt their pain so much. How could their mother hurt them in the way she did?

In a way Linda's actions put my own situation in perspective. My troubles were minor compared to Adam and Brittney's feelings of abandonment. I was a woman now and I had to accept it. For my children needed the love and care only me their parent and mother could give them. I was determined to be the best possible mother.

When we arrived back in Arlington around 6:30 I got a surprise. Leslie Banks was waiting in the parking lot.

"Hi Jeoun," Leslie said to me. "Hello Brittney, Adam. How are both of you?"

"Ok." Brittney said meekly.

Leslie then turned to me. While my friend had greeted the children I was emptying the Corolla of a few bags. "Mind if I come inside with you all?"

"Sure." Then Leslie followed me and the children to the apartment.

Before entering the apartment, Leslie told me why she had come over. "I heard what happened hon. Thought you may need a friend tonight."

"Thanks Leslie, I appreciate it."

Once we were inside Leslie spoke again. "Anything I can do to help?"

"I got to get the children ready for bed. If you want to fold the laundry in the basket that will be fine."

"Sure you get the kids ready. We can talk later hon."

Leslie and I didn't talk till much later. First I had to help Adam and Brittney both as they took their baths separately. When this was done both my children put on their pajamas for the night and came out to spend time watching television with me.

Adam went to sleep first. His bedtime was 8 p.m. An hour later, Brittney joined him. Both children went to sleep in my bedroom. I left the bedroom door open so I could hear them or vice versa. My children would have a fear of abandonment for some months yet.

Having made sure Adam and Brittney were tucked in I walked back out into the living room. Leslie had turned the television down way low. "They get to sleep alright?"

"Yes they did," I said as I went over to the refrigerator. "You want anything to drink?"

"A glass of water please." Leslie told me. I then poured two glasses of water using the Brita water pitcher I had in the refrigerator. That completed, I brought the glasses to the living room and gave one to Leslie.

"By the way," I spoke to Leslie in a soft whisper. "I left the bedroom door open so Adam and Brittney can hear me. Right now they are afraid not to be with me."

"I don't blame them hon. At least they have you."

"I'm very fortunate or blessed to have Adam and Brittney."

"Amen sister. Their other Mom is a real...."

I interrupted Leslie. "Leslie please. No matter how I feel about Linda right now, I won't bad mouth her. Adam and Brittney still love her and I don't want them hurt more by anything I say."

Leslie smiled as if she understood perfectly. "You're right hon. Let me just add you're ten times the Mom compared to Linda."

"Thank you. I'm trying my best to be a good Mom."

Leslie and I talked more about what happened the day before. I was beginning to feel tired and I still needed to get ready for bed. "Thank you Leslie for coming over, I appreciate your support."

We both got up from our seats then. "Jeoun one of the reasons I came over was to offer for you and Adam and Brittney to come and live with me."

"Leslie I said how I felt before."

"No hon, I didn't mean it that way. I can see how much you and the children need one another right now," Leslie explained to me as we stood in the middle of the living room. "What I am offering is that you all can live with me without you feeling the need to work. Right now I think Adam and Brittney need their Mom to be home with them."

Leslie was right. I was at the time torn between the emotional needs of Adam and Brittney and needing to support them financially. Since their abandonment by Linda, both my children wanted to always be with me. How could I work to support them and be with them at the same time?

P had been very kind to give me the week off. She told me there wasn't anything pressing that needed to be done in the lab. But I felt ashamed to be taking home a paycheck while not doing any work in return.

My friend Leslie's offer was tremendously kind. It made me feel like crying. I also felt ashamed at taking her generosity.

"I don't know what to say Leslie. You have been too kind to me and the children."

"It's nothing hon. You need help and a friend right now." Leslie told me.

I shook my head. "You have done so much for me already Leslie. I feel ashamed."

"Don't think that way hon. I want to help all of you."

Now tears began to form slowly in my eyes. "Leslie it's so overwhelming sometimes. What happened and how people like you and P want to help."

Leslie went and grabbed some Kleenex for me. "Hon, I can only imagine what you're going through right now. I'm doing this because I'm your friend and I want to do it."

"Can I think about it?"

"Sure hon. You still have my telephone numbers for work, home and my cell phone?"

"Yes I do." I said as my tears slowed and I began to recompose myself.

Leslie had come to the apartment prepared. She reached into her purse and took out a set of keys and an envelope. "These are keys to my house. The big brown one opens the front door. In the envelope are directions and the security code for the alarm system."

"You're doing so much for me."

"Hon, I think of this as payback. I got help too from P and her people after what happened to me. I become a successful businesswoman thanks to it. This is how I am returning the favor."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. We have such similar stories too, we relate to each other so well. Almost like we're sisters."

I laughed for a moment. "Ok sis."

"Now tomorrow you get those two adorable children up and get your stuff packed. You only need your clothes and Adam and Brittney's toys. I hope to see you when I get home from work tomorrow night."

"You got enough room for us?"

"Hell yes hon," Leslie exclaimed. "A Two-story, four-bedroom home with a nice yard for the kids to play in. Not too far at all from the University of Maryland. I live all by my lonesome except for my cat. His name is Felix."

"I guess we'll be over in the afternoon sometime."

"Good," Leslie said picking up her purse. "There are just two conditions."

"Conditions?"

"Yes, conditions. One I'm Aunt Leslie to Adam and Brittney."

"Ok Aunt Leslie. What's the other condition?"

"You wash my cars once a week," Leslie told me. Then she began to grin."Heck that's a joke hon. No all you got to do is take care of Brittney and Adam. I find them so lovable."

"Me too."

Leslie then stepped over to me and gave me a big hug. This done, she then kissed me on the cheek. "Now you get your pretty ass ready for bed. We'll talk more tomorrow. Ciao!"

After letting Leslie out of the apartment I went straight to the bedroom to check on Adam and Brittney. It had been a long day for all of us.

The next day I took up Leslie's offer. After getting myself and the children fed and dressed for the day, I packed up our clothing and the children's toys. Before leaving I called Leslie who was happy to hear we were coming. My friend told me that she would be home sometime after 6 p.m. that night.

I was grateful for Leslie's offer. Adam and Brittney needed my un-divided attention and my working wouldn't have allowed me to do this. I had to count my lucky stars that I had a friend like Leslie. I had my pride but my children's needs came first. A good mother had to be un-selfish. Your children's needs came first always.

Leslie's home was spacious and homey and Adam and Brittney took to it almost immediately. Each of us had our own bedroom but I suspected Adam and Brittney may still need to sleep with me at night. It would take some time before my children got over being abandoned by their mother.

It was 6:20 when Leslie arrived home. I was nearly done cooking some pork chops for dinner. As we ate Leslie chatted up both Brittney and Adam. My daughter was already familiar with her ‘Aunt' but Adam was a little shy. Later that evening Leslie helped me get Brittney and Adam ready for bed. Not surprisingly my children opted to sleep in the same room as their mother.

The next day I took Adam and Brittney to the therapist, Donna Schultheis the one recommended by the Mandels. After speaking to me first, Dr. Schultheis then saw the children without me present. The doctor seemed to be very good with children. I'd take Adam and Brittney to this therapist as long as needed.

I didn't return to work the rest of 1997. Every other day I'd keep in touch with the office but no new boxes were found or brought in. P told me they would call when I was needed. RAT asked me when I'd come back to play some chess again.

The experiences Brittney, Adam and I experienced in late 1997 I think drew us all closer together. I came to appreciate how much I had missed of my children's lives because of being in the Army. Being a single parent now I'd be much more involved with the children. A mother and father rolled into one. Not an easy job but one I planned on doing the best I could.

At Leslie's suggestion, we all went to Florida for a week around Christmas and New Year's. The week was spent taking Adam and Brittney to the area theme parks or going to the beach. It proved to be a tonic for all of us. We enjoyed life for the first time in many weeks and were able to at least for the moment to forget the past.

New Year's Eve night was spent watching fireworks at Epcot with Adam, Brittney and Leslie. 1997 had been full of unexpected fireworks in my and the children's lives. If I had one goal for 1998 it was to give Adam and Brittney a stable home life and as much love as they needed. I'd be the mother they needed.

Back to the present

My back was beginning to hurt, so I rose from my desk chair and walked to the nearby kitchen. There I poured myself a glass of Cranberry Juice and began to drink it. Looking out my home's back window I thought about how much my life had changed in the six years since that night at Epcot.

Taking my glass with me, I returned to the living room. Still no sign of the children, but I did know where they were at the moment. I had no fears or worries for them as I began reading again.

1998 could be best called a transition year for me and the children. Shortly after returning from Florida I got both Brittney and Adam enrolled in school. Kindergarten for my daughter and pre-school for my son. On the second Tuesday of January I returned to work.

I'd continue to work for P and the agency for the better part of six months. Slowly I grew bored with my job. The boxes would come in with little notice, I'd run all the tests possible on them. Still the outcome was always the same. Nothing. When not doing this work, I'd find myself spending days playing chess with RAT. Work grew more monotonous with every passing day.

So I began to think about what I wanted to do. I had a Mathematics degree and there was an obvious thing to do with it. Teach, either in a High school or a college. So by March I began checking newspaper classified advertisements and listings on the internet.

I didn't restrict myself to just the Washington DC area but nation-wide. Leslie had been wonderful to the children and I. Turning down every offer of mine to give her rent, or any money for the use of her home. Still I felt if I was going to face my life head on I had to have a home for me and the children that was our very own.

So in addition to deciding what I wanted to do, there was where I wanted to raise the children. I gave a lot of thought to returning to South Dakota. My parents were dead but my sister Karen still lived there. Of course she would be stunned at the changes in her former brother.

Then there were disadvantages to South Dakota. Namely the job market wasn't the best there even for teachers. I also had the ‘handicap' of how I talked. People judged me in a certain way because of the permanent South Korean accent I had been given courtesy of my wife and that machine. South Dakota didn't have much of an Asian population.

The best example of my new 'handicap' was when I applied for a substitute teaching job in Washington DC. When I was interviewed, the interviewer seemed to focus more on my personal background or where I grew up than on my educational qualifications. I never heard back about the position.

If my professional life wasn't the happiest, being a mother to Brittney and Adam more than compensated. Both my children overcame their fear of abandonment in early 1998. They did so partly by loving me and never being shy in showing affection to me. I reciprocated this love in return. It was Adam and Brittney's love that had made me accept womanhood. They loved their new Mom and I loved being their mother.

Nothing had changed between Leslie and me. We were best friends but nothing more. I was too hurt by my experiences with Linda to let anyone into my or the children's lives yet. Leslie was nice, good with the children and very attractive. But I saw how one episode of lesbian sex had altered my and Adam and Brittney's lives. It would be some time before sex would ever again be an issue in my life.

In early May I got a surprise. Over the spring I had mailed out resumes to nine private schools across the country. One of them, The Lake Academy in Anaheim California contacted me by mail. They wanted to interview me. An appointment was set for May 20th at 10 a.m.

"You're really serious hon?" Leslie asked me as we talked on the night of May 18th.

"Leslie, it's nothing personal. I just feel I have to get out on my own. You know be independent. I do appreciate everything you did for me for the children."

The look of disappointment in Leslie's eyes was very obvious. She was still hoping we'd be partners in life together. "Jeoun, I understand. If I were you I'd probably feel the same."

"Thank you for being so understanding. I'll give you some money for everything you did."

"You don't have to hon."

"I should pay you. You did too..." Leslie then cut me off.

"You don't have to do anything!" Leslie said angrily. The room then got awfully quiet for a minute. "Sorry hon, I shouldn't have got angry. What I did for you and Brittney and Adam was from my heart. You owe me nothing."

"Thank you from me and the children."

"You're welcome," Leslie told me. The anger in her eyes now replaced by disappointment. My leaving would end Leslie's hopes for us to be lovers and life partners one day. "I am going to miss all of you."

"I'll miss you too. Adam and Brittney will also miss you."

Leslie looked almost ready to cry now. "I'll miss all of you so much."

"I may not get the job. I'm not getting my hopes up too high."

"Didn't you apply around here for a job?"

"Yes at Gallaudet University. They haven't said."

Leslie nodded her head. "They did contact my office one day asking for a reference on you. Lake Academy did too."

"I hope you gave me a good one." I said with a shy smile.

"The absolute best. Isn't Gallaudet a school for the deaf?"

"It is. But I know sign language. My sister Karen was born deaf. So I have known ASL since I was seven or eight years old."

Leslie perked up. "I didn't know that about you. There is probably a lot I don't know."

"Maybe. I didn't tell you because there wasn't a reason."

"That's ok hon. I'm going to miss being an Aunt."

"You can do one better and have a child of your own."

Leslie smiled. "I been thinking about it but I'm so busy with my business. When do I have the time?"

Then I did a little Leslie on Leslie. "Heck hon, you own your business. Who's going to say anything if you put a crib in your office?"

The two of us began to laugh very hard. "You're right. I got to do something about it."

"Ever think two guys like us would talk like this?"

Leslie laughed again. "No, never. Hon I wish you well and that goes for the children too."

"Thanks."

Leaving Adam and Brittney in the temporary care of Leslie, I left the next day for Los Angeles. This was my first time in the state other than when I changed planes on the way to the ROK the prior year. On arrival I rented a car at the airport and drove down to Anaheim. There I checked myself into a hotel and got a good night's sleep.

The next day I arrived ten minutes early for my interview. I was a bit nervous but concealing it well. This was only the second job interview of my adult life. A few minutes after ten the school principal named David Chen greeted me in the reception area. We then went to his office.

Compared to the job interview I went to in Maryland, this one went well. Dr. Chen and I talked about my academic and work backgrounds. My personal history also came up, I was upfront about this. There were no awkward questions or comments about a woman with a Masters in Mathematics. I was asked why I wanted to teach. It was a fair question and I said I had always wanted to do it.

I was told a little about the job. The courses I'd teach would be in trigonometry and calculus but there was a third possibility too. I could be teaching a class in Korean. If enough students signed up for the class.

At one point Dr. Chen and I began speaking in Korean. The principal was Chinese-American and had been born in the states but he knew some Korean. When the interview was over I was told that I'd hear back from The Lake Academy within a week.

I spent the rest of that day and all of the next looking at houses in the general area of Anaheim. One three-bedroom house looked particularly inviting. It was located in Buena Park and was some fifteen minutes from the school. Not knowing if I would be hired yet, I didn't make any offer on the house. Instead I took the red-eye back to Washington DC in the early a.m. hours of May 22nd.

The Tuesday afternoon after my arrival home the phone call came. The Lake Academy wanted to hire me. I accepted the job. Now I had to begin preparing a cross country move for me, Brittney and Adam.

First I made an offer on the house I saw. I had to wait nervously for forty-eight hours but my bid was accepted. This was contingent on my getting a mortgage. I was already in the process of applying for this. Within ten days my mortgage application was accepted.

Since school was in session I planned on waiting till the first week in July to move. Before departing for California I had some goodbyes to do.

The first came at work. P invited me to her office and once there gave me a warm hug. "You've come a long way Jeoun Cheung."

"Thank you P. I couldn't have done it without your help."

"I don't think so Jeoun," P said as she walked back around her desk. "You don't give yourself the credit you deserve."

P took five minutes out of her busy day to talk to me. Then she opened a desk drawer and took out an envelope which she passed to me.

Inside the envelope was a Cashier's check made out to me. It was for $100,000. "You don't have to do this."

"Jeoun we help all people like you after they use the machines. Consider this adjustment expenses."

I was on the verge of tears. "I don't know what to say but Thank you."

"You're welcome Jeoun."

"I'm going to miss this place. You and KC in particular. Maybe even RAT." I told P who then had a good laugh about my missing RAT.

Another set of goodbyes I had to say were to both Doctors Mandel. By now I was only seeing both doctors once a month. At my final session both Avram and Ilana were there.

When it was over I had a question to ask. "Could I possibly write either of you from time to time?" I thought there may still be times where I could use the doctors advice.

"Of course." Ilana Mandel told me. She then got a notepad and pen and began writing some things down before handing me a slip of paper. "Those are our email addresses. The bottom one is our home address."

"Thank you. I promise not to bother you too often."

"Write whenever you wish Ms. Cheung," Said Dr. Avram Mandel. "We'd like to know how you and the children are doing."

"If you're ever back east, please come and pay us a visit." Ilana Mandel told me.

"Thank you."

The last goodbye was the toughest. That happened the day Brittney, Adam and I began our cross country trek. Some people may have thought me nuts. That's because I was embarking on a three thousand mile road trip with two children ages six and under. I told these people I would only be nuts after arriving in California!

Leslie had already said goodbye to the children. After I got the kids into the car, it was time for me to say goodbye to my friend. "I'll never forget everything you did for us."

Right then my friend gave me one last big hug. She was crying uncontrollably now. "I'm going to miss all of you."

"I know," I told Leslie. She had done so much for me and the children that this goodbye was definitely the most painful one. Then Leslie and I shared a long passionate kiss. We hadn't kissed like this since last November.

"It's time for us to get going." I told Leslie as the kiss ended.

"Stay Jeoun, please." Leslie said to me almost like she was pleading. She was holding my right hand. "I love you and the children. You can be a stay at home Mom, you don't have to work."

Leslie's invitation was so tempting. Till today it had been implied but never spoken. In the days leading up to our departure, I had given serious thought to staying. I liked Leslie, maybe even loved her. At this time in my life she was the only woman I'd want to settle down with.

There was still what had happened with Linda. The scars were still there. Till those wounds healed I wouldn't pursue a relationship.

My decision was made and I wasn't turning back. "Leslie I'm sorry but I got to go."

Leslie then kissed me one last time and I walked over and got into my car. As I was putting my seat belt on, Leslie stuck a hand into my window. In it was an envelope. "This is for you and the children."

I took a peek in the envelope. A check for $25,000 was in there. "You shouldn't have."

"No hon, I wanted to. I love you." Leslie told me with tears in her eyes. "You'll need money for furniture and things. Good luck and if you change your mind, let me know."

"I will."

"I love you."

"Love you too." Then after patting Leslie's hand. I closed the driver's side window and started the engine of my car. "Everyone all set back there?"

"Yes Mom." My children said.

I put the car into gear and began driving. Right then I didn't have the strength to look back at Leslie. She was still crying the last time I looked at her.

As I pulled the car out of the driveway, Adam and Brittney began to sing.

"California here we come,"

"Right back where we started from..."

To- _IMndlDC@..._ (mailto:IMndlDC@...)
From- _Hooahgirl87@..._ (mailto:Hooahgirl87@...)
Sunday July 18th 1998 22:11 PST

Dr Mandel,

Greetings from California. I hope this letter finds you and your husband doing well.

The children and I arrived here in Southern California on July 13th. We did a little sight-seeing on the way. We stopped at Mt. Rushmore, Yellowstone Park and the Grand Canyon. Adam, Brittney and I had great fun seeing these places and the trip went smoothly.

While passing through South Dakota, we paid a visit to my sister Karen. She was shocked to say the least at what had happened to her brother. It was a good visit, I'll write more about it in another letter.

I'm snail mailing you some photos today. I hope you enjoy them.

The closing on the house was on July 15th and we moved in straight away. For the first night all Adam, Brittney and I had was an air mattress plus a television and a folding table with three chairs. The Furniture I bought is slowly arriving and the house is starting to look like a home. I just spent tonight setting up our new computer and decided to drop you an email.

Everyone is doing well. Brittney and Adam have already made friends with some neighbor children. I been too busy to do anything but get our house set up. I have another three weeks before I have to report to Lake Academy.

I feel confident we'll do well here. Being a Single Mom isn't easy but I love Brittney and Adam. They are what got me through all the traumas of last year. I love them so much, and I'm their mother. There is nothing I would rather be now.

I'll write some more when we get more settled. Just wanted to let you know we arrived safely.

Sincerely,

Jeoun Cheung and Family

The time from July 1998 to April 2000 was a quiet period for me, Adam and Brittney. We got adjusted to our new home, friends and for me my new job. All through this time Adam, Brittney and I only grew closer together as mother and children.

Being a single parent or mother isn't easy. I had to juggle the roles normally taken by a father and a mother plus I had to be a provider. Occasionally I felt overwhelmed by my new responsibility. But I had to do this job. My children needed me and I needed them just as much. They were my daily inspiration.

Beginning the third week of August 1998 I began teaching at Lake Academy. Two of my classes were Trigonometry; two were calculus and the last was Korean I. The first four classes were usually Academy seniors but the last encompassed all grades. The Korean class was small consisting of just eleven students.

I grew to like teaching. Trying to build the future minds of my country, that's how I thought of it. I seemed to be popular with the students too. Boy students in particular. I seem to have a way of making male hormones race even in teenagers. This attention was amusing but I'm no pedophile.

School didn't just consist of teaching my classes. I had papers, tests and quizzes to bring home to grade. I had assignments to prepare. It was a lot of work, but it came with the job which I grew to enjoy.

I even took up being Asst. coach to the Academy's Girls Basketball team. Adam and Brittney attended almost all of the games as their mother sat on the bench helping to direct Lake Academy's Jaguars basketball team.

Brittney began the first grade in August 1998 while Adam went to pre-school. My daughter brought home almost all A's on her report cards and played in a peewee soccer league. My children had totally accepted me as their mother. On two occasions they told acquaintances Mom used to be their Dad! I said my children had active imaginations.

Outside of work and my children, I slowly began to make friends. Every Sunday I took Adam and Brittney to Sunday mass at St. Pius V Catholic Church. One Sunday in September 1998 I was approached by another parishioner as we left the church.

"Hello," Said a woman who I thought could be a fellow Korean. "Aren't you Song Lee Oh?"

"No I am not. My name is Jeoun Cheung."

"Hello Jeoun, I am so sorry." The woman said apologetically to me. "My name is Sue Kang and this is my daughter Debbie."

"Hello Debbie." I told the five or six year old girl who didn't reply back. She looked to be Brittney's age or a little younger.

"You're from South Korea aren't you?"

"Yes I am. From Inchon."

"My parents are from Taejon."

"That's not too far away." I told the woman. "I'm going to take the children to lunch. It's been nice meeting you."

Sue spoke up again before I was able to head off to the car with Brittney and Adam. "You live around here?"

"Yes in Buena Park. We just moved from Virginia two months ago."

"There's a local Korean-American group. We have a barbeque next Sunday. Would you be interested in coming?"

I gave about a minute's thought to this. In truth I was only Korean in appearance. On the other hand I knew few people outside of my work, church and a couple of neighbors. Maybe it would be interesting doing something different. "Sure, can you tell me where it will be please?"

Sue Kang gave me her phone number. I promised to call her later that week to get more details.

The next Sunday I took Brittney and Adam to the barbeque. We all had a good time. My children played with other children, mostly playing soccer. I spent my time chatting with the adults. There was a lot of Korean food there. This is not really my favorite type of food but I ate some. There were also Hot Dogs and Hamburgers for the children.

We gossiped and talked recent events. Some of the discussion was about US Congressman Jay Kim a Korean-American. He was serving house arrest along with his wife after pleading guilty to misuse of campaign funds. The Congressman was on the way out of office, having lost the Republican primary earlier in the year.

I got asked three times that day if I was Song Lee Oh. A few people did double takes on seeing me. None of this bothered me. I was enjoying myself too much.

That's because I made some new friends that day. Sue Kang, Deb Cho, Michelle Chang. All were in their twenties, and only Deb wasn't married. She was divorced. All four of us had children between ages nine years and ten months.

Something curious, Sue, Deb and Michelle weren't their real first names. Just their American nicknames. This I found out isn't an uncommon practice among Korean or Asian Americans with hard to pronounce ethnic names. Eventually I took up the more American nickname of Julie.

In March 2000, my sister Karen got remarried. Her new husband was a firefighter named Russell Hoyer. Adam, Brittney, and I travelled to South Dakota to be there for Karen's big day.

Over those two years I stayed in touch with the Mandels and Leslie. Every month or two I wrote either Doctor Mandel. With Leslie, we usually talked one or two times a month on the phone. My friend also came to visit California on two occasions.

My family and I had a quiet social life for the first two years after we moved to California. Being an attractive woman I did draw the attention of men naturally. I got asked out on four different occasions, declining each time. Besides putting the needs of my children first, I was still grappling with my orientation and other issues arising out of what happened with Linda. I would be very single for some time yet.

That said, my children sometimes made comments or asked questions. Like Adam one December 1999 evening when he said. "Mom, when will I have a Daddy again?"

I didn't have an answer. At that time I felt comfortable being single. Dating or marrying a man did not appear to be in the cards for me. The same went for women also.

My life took a most unexpected turn in the spring of 2000. It all started at a soccer game of Brittney's that I attended. Also there were Deb Cho, Amy Chen the wife of Lake Academy principal David Chen, and Susan Reynolds. Deb, Amy and Susan besides being fellow Soccer Moms were my three closest friends.

As we cheered our daughters on, we talked about what was going on in our lives.

"When does Mike get home?" Deb asked Susan about her husband who was at the time in Bangkok Thailand.

"Next Tuesday if all goes well. The business deal should be wrapped up on Monday. How are you and Bill doing?"

Deb waved her hand. "Bill is proving to be an real idiot. I think all he wants is to screw me and the kids."

"Sorry to hear that." I said speaking up.

"I got two children to look out for." Deb said. "My scumbag ex is always late with child support."

"Better late than never." Amy said.

"I suppose so."

"Julie, David has a cousin coming into town next weekend."

'Oh he does.' I thought to myself. This wasn't the first time nor would it be the last time one of my friends tried to set me up with a friend or relative. "What's his name?"

"Charles."

"Charles. Not Charlie Chen?"

Amy began laughing and we all joined her. "No Charles Kim is his name. He is going to start working here at the Playhouse next month."

Nearby Irvine, California, was home to Southern California's well known Asian Playhouse. The theatre put on Asian themed shows and plays throughout the year.

"What does Charles do?"

"He works in wardrobe." Amy told me as we all continued to watch the game. There was a stands for parents to sit in but we all preferred watching the game standing up.

It was my turn to laugh now. "Then he must be gay!"

Amy got my joke right away. "No Charles isn't gay at all. Want to meet him? I promise he's nice and even cute."

"Thanks, Amy, but I still miss Jack."

"You got to let go, Julie." Said Susan.

"You really should." Deb remarked also.

"If it was just me, I would do it," I told my friends. "But I got to look out for Brittney and Adam too."

Deb immediately understood. "I know how you feel, Julie."

Susan spoke up then. "Amy, wasn't there some kind of audition next weekend?"

"Yes a week from today. They are casting parts for the fall show."

Right then Brittney was in possession of the soccer ball and kicking it down the field. "Go, Brittney." I yelled.

Deb then remarked to me. "Julie, you look so much like that actress in Seoul, you ought to go try out."

"Me audition for a play?" I asked in a bit of shock.

"Why not?" Amy said joining in. "They may think you're the real Song."

I laughed. "Ha, ha that won't ever happen. Besides I've never acted before."

"A lot of non-professionals go to these try outs." Amy said.

"Any of them get hired?" Susan asked.

"Sometimes. Most of the people involved with the theatre have other full-time jobs." Amy explained.

"Why don't you try out Julie?" Deb remarked.

"I haven't acted since my 2nd grade Christmas show." I told my friends. Had they all suddenly gone nuts?

"Oh. Were you one of Santa's elves?" Susan asked a bit sarcastically.

I knew my friend was joking. "No I was Mrs. Claus!"

All of us broke out laughing then. But my friends remained persistent. "Julie, why don't you do it?" Amy said.

"When is it?" Susan asked.

"It begins Saturday at 10 a.m." Amy replied.

"I told you I never acted in my life." I said rather insistently. "Who's going to watch Adam and Brittney for me?"

Deb spoke up then. "I will. Go try out Julie."

"Yes Julie do it. Maybe you'll break a leg." Amy added.

I just shook my head as my friends continued to tease me into doing this. Had the world gone nuts again?

"Jeoun Cheung." Called out a male voice as I stood in the back stage area of the Orange County Asian Playhouse.

I then nervously walked on stage. Still wondering why I had taken the challenge made to me by my friends. I may look like a famous South Korean actress but I had never acted in my life.

I did come to the audition, mostly as a lark. There had to be no chance of my being cast for this show.

The first thing I noticed was four or five people seated in the front couple of rows of theater seats. "Miss Cheung?" One asked me.

"Yes I'm Jeoun Cheung." On arriving at the audition I had to give my name and age. So that was how they knew my name.

"Have you ever acted before Ms. Cheung?"

"No, I haven't."

"What do you do?"

"I'm a teacher at a private school in Anaheim."

Some whispered conversation went on among the five people in the audience. "Are you ready to audition then?"

"Yes I am." I said as I carefully concealed my nervousness.

While waiting back stage I had already gotten a preview of what I was about to face. A short five minute scene from a script I was given on entering the theater. I was the ninth woman that day to read for the role.

The audition went ok I guess. I read off the script given to me and tried just to be natural. The scene seemed to have hardly begun when just as suddenly ended.

When I was done I just stood on stage waiting for the verdict. The show's director and some other production people were softly whispering to one another. All eight actresses before me had been told thank you and we'll be in touch. That really meant= No thank you, better luck next time.

Then the director spoke. "Ms. Cheung, you say you never acted before?"

"No I haven't."

"I'd like you to have a word with one of my assistants..."

*****

To Be Continued in Part Three