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Author's note: This episode deals with depression. If this is difficult for you please skip ahead to chapter 14.

Eve Chapter 13

By Topsy

I felt two hands on me but I didn't look up.

"Eve, come with me."

I didn't answer. I kept my head down and kept crying. These were not crocodile tears.

"Eve, please come. We're concerned for you."

No way. leave me alone. You hurt me. You'll never do that again.

I could hear myself but nothing came out of my mouth. I felt a prick on my arm, then nothing.

--

I was lying down. I felt nauseous. I ... I threw up.

There were voices but I didn't care.

I didn't care.

I wanted to curl up and die. That was the easy way.

They were shouting now and I was rolled. I was violated. But soon it would end.

It was dark, where was I? I gently opened my eyes. The lights were too bright and I closed them again. I tried again a few times. Now I could see someone leaning over me. I closed them again.

"She's awake."

"Eve, this is Dr Fox. Please open your eyes. I'm stood here. Your mum's here."

I tried to speak but my mouth was dry. Instead I must have looked like a goldfish.

"Eve, I'm giving you some water."

I felt some cold water in my mouth and tried to swallow it but ending up coughing a little.

"That's ok. Now open your eyes."

"Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital. We had to sedate you."

"What...?" I said softly.

"You collapsed. Lay still."

"I need a leak."

"Don't worry about that. We fitted a catheter."

"You bastards."

"Eve, we had to."

That was all I recall from that episode.

Sometime later I was aware again.

"Mrs Jones, she's coming around again. Eve, can you squeeze my fingers. That's good. We're going to try to raise you up, ok? Mrs Jones, could you step out for a minute."

I opened my eyes and saw two nurses. As I focused I saw Dr Fox at the end of the bed. The nurses brought the head of the bed up so I could see more. I was much more lucent this time. Dr Fox spoke first.

"Eve, what day is it?"

"Unless I've lost any days it's Thursday. The 18th I think."

"OK Eve, that's correct. Just one more thing, how do you feel?"

"I need a leak. Now."

"Yes Eve. I' sorry about earlier, I didn't know about the infection. We've removed the catheter and given you a shot of penicillin just in case. We'll help you to the toilet, you may be a little weak. You're in a private room, the toilet is to your left, can you see it?"

I could and was helped off the bed and across the short distance to the loo. Suitably relieved I went to return to the bed but was directed to a chair instead.

They helped me and I sat down. I was helped to drink some water, I don't think they trusted me to hold a cup.

"Eve, we had to give you a mild sedative so you might feel a little light headed. How are you now?""

"Hmmm"

"That's understandable."

I looked away.

"Eve, look at me, I'm not some alien creature."

"That's just as well, you look nothing like a Cardassian."

That got one laugh from a nurse, everyone else had a blank face. Dr Fox spoke again.

"Now, tell me what is bothering you. Your mum's not here right now, I asked her to get a coffee, so please don't worry about saying anything she wouldn't like to hear."

It all poured out. I had been violated, yes, but now they knew that I wanted to be a girl. I just hadn't understood my own dreams but now I did. They knew before I did. That hurt me.

"Eve, we were worried. Yes we knew but it was bottled up inside you. You have taken an important step. Sit here and I'll fetch your mum."

Dr Fox spoke to a nurse who then left the room. I just stared at the wall. They knew before I did. Before I did. My deepest secret was out but I hadn't known what it was. How could I know?

I was sobbing gently when mum came into the room with Dr Fox. Mum tried to rush towards me but Dr Fox held her back and whispered something.

"Eve, I'm proud of you but I'm also sorry. I pushed you. I pushed you too quickly."

Mum started sobbing herself as she finished speaking. She came towards me and got onto her knees. She wrapped her arms around me and whispered in my ear. I couldn't hear what it was but I was safe.

I was safe.