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A ‘Normal’ Perspective

Hope Eternal Reigns

My life is as normal as can be. I grew up in a normal middle class neighbourhood. Though I was an only child, my parents were always ‘there for me’ until they were killed in a winter blizzard, multi-vehicle accident, but that was more than five years ago. I still miss them a lot, but, just over three years ago I found my soul-mate, Jasmine, and since then life has been sunny and bright. It wasn’t love at first sight, at least not for me. My first impression was that Jasmine was VERY butch, but, pretty and female. I was so shy I completely froze, and it was summertime, thirty five degrees Celsius. When she came up to me, asking what I wanted to drink, I know I wanted to say ‘ice tea’. To this day I’m still not sure what actually came out of my mouth. (I’ve always HOPED I didn’t drool or slobber or something.) Whatever I actually said; Jaz brought me a ‘Long Island Ice Tea’, I think it was a double, and talked with me whenever she had a few minutes free. Most of what I remember of that night is this nice woman actually spending time with me. She wasn’t a goddess, a bit of a frump in fact, but my shyness kept me mostly tongue-tied all that night.

Though I slowly lost my shyness in her presence, her strong will became my firm foundation right from the start. Jasmine has never forced or even coerced me to her will, my shy nature just follows where she leads.

I’m 23 years old and work part time, waiting tables at the very same local lounge, where we met. I like my job. It’s not so much for the money, as for the chance to be sociable. The settlement of my parent’s estate left me more than enough to see me through college. Jaz now works the bar so we get to be together more this way too.

Normalcy; it really is a relief. I don’t know if I could handle being ‘different’. Excuse me for a minute while I get my coat and boots to walk to school, it’s a little nippy out today.

Where was I? Oh yes…

I lost faith with the church my parents attended when the pastor refused to attend the wake, I held, to honour my parent’s wishes. The prude!! There were other issues as well, but I never felt all that religious anyway, nor comfortable in that church. For me the call of the spirituality of nature was always much stronger than a stuffy Sunday morning service in a stuffy church. So it was with quite some interest that I joined Jasmine in attending a Wiccan gathering, one evening toward the end of June. That was a bit of an eye-opener for me, my soul seemed to vibrate to the sounds of the chanting as my body swayed to the rhythm of the music.

Do you mind talking as I walk to class? It isn’t that far, less that two km and it helps me keep fit. But, if I don’t get moving I might be late. Just let me collect my books, shoe bag and such.

The women in the circle just welcomed me warmly, I felt right at home with almost all their beliefs. As for Jaz, well, she looked so different, just breath-takingly lovely in her robes. I’m sure that was when I fell for her. The two previous weeks had been ‘ho hum’ and then WHAM! We soon started having long talks about spirituality and life in general. She was a little stand-offish at first but as we got to know each-other better she grew steadily warmer toward me. I spent almost every evening with her and mostly couldn’t tell anyone, the next, day one tenth of what happened the previous night. I had been very much the loner before; so having someone to share time with, drew me closer and closer to Jaz. Before six months were out, we had moved in together and shared a small one bedroom apartment.

I usually take a short-cut thought the fence here. It’s quieter here than following the heavily traveled route. Careful don’t snag your coat on that nail.

The whole idea of living together, just strengthened my feelings of being normal, you know, fitting-in, doing the co-habiting thing. I was with someone with whom I was falling deeply in love. I know building a relationship usually takes a lot of sacrifice. Jasmine and I didn’t and still don’t see it that way. Caring means putting the ‘other’ before yourself, that isn’t sacrifice, that’s love. Sure, in a one bedroom suite, there wasn’t room for tonnes of clothes but Jaz and I met those challenges, sometimes in off beat ways, but always with complete agreement between the two of us. One of the first difficulties was that there was so little closet space that it was completely impossible to house all of our clothes. We had piles of clothing lying around for days on end, until Jaz and I had several evenings of talks. After that the closet seemed to just somehow be large enough for all the hanging clothes and our single dresser was in neat, tidy order, with everything in its place. Yes, I had to give up my boxers; to save drawer space, you understand. It took a little while but soon I wouldn’t have given up the smooth fabrics and snug feelings of the skimpies, Jaz had me wearing, for anything. Sure the new snugness of the chest-wrap took some getting used to. And the smooth new sleeveless undershirts are a little different from my old T-shirts, but they are so much smoother to my skin, it was WELL worth the switch. Besides which the amount of room saved in the drawer allowed for twice the number of skimpies, wraps and undershirts, as my old stuff and the range of colours lets me match them to whatever I’m wearing. I know I never used to worry about this ‘matching colours’ stuff but I fit in much better with the other staff and the patrons at the lounge when all my clothing is nicely matched. I have come to the point where I have this NEED to have all my undies match, I feel weird when they don’t. What’s more; plain, white or beige, unadorned underwear is only for hanging around the apartment, lately.

Will I see you after class for some more chatting? I finish at two this afternoon. Oh that is just great, see you then.

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No, I don’t feel out of place, whenever I have felt ‘a little off’, Jaz and I have talked it out. Oft-times I have zoned-out during these chats but I ALWAYS knew afterward that there was nothing to worry about, I have Jasmine and that is all that matters. Besides, Jasmine has been dressing much nicer since we have been co-habiting, so I feel it is nothing more than my due, that I try to look my best for her too. When we reduced our clothing inventory we actually had a ‘throw out the worst clothing’ party and though more of the "Sally-Anne" pile was from my side, it wasn’t completely one-sided.

I must say the most difficult to get used to were the new socks; so much longer and thinner, actually see-through thin, and I have to be so careful not to damage them. Jaz finally told me a little trick some other people use to make their legs less itchy. After two months of shaving, and razor nicks in some of the most, well, sensitive areas, I threw in the razor and have gone for laser hair removal all over my body. Shaving my face had always been a pain in the neck, cheeks and chin, so right from the start I was a convert. Sure there was ‘discomfort’, as my dad used to say, but the results were far and away worth the prices paid. I just love the way our smooth bodies feel in bed together now and all my undies feel even more incredibly sexy against smooth skin, if I’d only known this years ago…

The garter belts, the only way to hold up most of those new socks, have been, well, one part pain, one part erotic distraction that never quite goes away, mmmmmh. Oh sorry, where was I? Oh yes, as much as we have saved tonnes of space by altering my undies, the drawers are still filled to ‘the gills’ with all the new gear. The fabrics are much thinner, but the numbers of items have increased, to more than take up any amount of room made available by the switch.

Since I went on that weight-loss regime that Jaz insisted I needed, I have reduced to virtually the same size as Jaz. Luckily we didn’t go too crazy with buying undies and clothes until I had reached my target weight. Now I find Jaz borrowing my clothes regularly, luckily they look outstanding on her, even very feminine.

Shopping, I can’t believe I used to hate shopping. My mom never took me shopping even when she bought clothes for me and after mom was gone I only went to any store when there was a dire need for something, food was a necessity; but clothes? My thoughts were, ‘Who needs more than a couple of T-shirts; maybe, two pair of jeans, boxers to get from one wash day to the next; socks, the same and a pair of track shoes to keep the socks clean longer.’ Jasmine’s influence has opened a whole new world to me. Shops and boutiques, which are just bursting with clothes and accessories to put together in so many wonderful ways, are just waiting for me to find and explore.

Make-up??? Well, yes, that is because of one of those overly pushy sales ladies at the mall one day. I finally bought the stuff in an effort to get away without causing a scene. The staff at the lounge all told me I’d do WAY better in tips if I kept it up and let me TELL you, it was a revelation the first night I tried it. It felt a little odd at first, but after several talks with Jaz, I almost feel naked without it now. Oh, thank you very much. It’s so nice of you to say that.

How could I say no? The love in Jasmine’s eyes, when she gave me my first pair, with a matching locket, with our pictures in it, brought tears to my eyes. We went, that very moment, to get them pierced. She has very good taste and will NOT have ‘cheap junk’, her words, on herself or me. Jaz has been presenting me with more earrings, necklaces and bracelets for every special occasion since. We actually share our jewelry collection so it works out very well.

Yes that was another change, this time for sheer comfort. Have you ever worn garters under slacks, especially tight jeans? Well, let me tell you, they catch on the material, every move pulls something somewhere. And other people are always smirking and pointing out the garter tabs through the pants. Besides, the feel of a slip and skirt or dress against the sheer hosiery is very, very nice. It was the girls at the lounge that talked me out of slacks, again for the tips and again they were OH SO right. Yes, Jaz and I had discussed it for several nights before the girls convinced me, at least I remember the start of all those talks. I already told you I sort of zone-out when she gets wound-up, right? But do remember her saying she wouldn’t push me on this topic, this was MY decision. She is so wonderful.

I have to be on my way, work, you know. Oh, I’m sorry. Are you sure I didn’t mention the name? It’s Sapho’s on Osborne Street near River Avenue. Right, yes, oh you know it? Sure it would be great to see you there. I’ll buy you your first drink.

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Let me just serve these drinks and I’ll be by to chat. A white wine? No problem.

Hi. Yes they have become "the uniform" here. The girls thought it was sexist that I didn’t have any and complained constantly to Jaz about my lack. Jaz took me to chat about it for a while in back one day and I capitulated. I must say they really do make my underwear look better. Jaz has been on me for a few nights lately about having them be natural and I must say the lack of sensation makes me sad when I can see how much Jaz gets out of me stimulating hers. Let’s just say I’m considering them seriously. You thought? Well I guess I should thank you very much. Yes, it was hard to tell under my heavy sweater and coat earlier. These babies weren’t cheap, of course, Jaz says ‘nothing but the best’ for me.

I can’t even imagine why you would ask that again. No, I do NOT feel different! If anything my life has been more normal than anyone else I have ever met. No, that is ok I am not offended by your interview.

Oops, there is another table looking for service. Be back when I can.

We have started seeing the same doctor, some sort of obs., I think observation and guy-nick-something type doctor. Jasmine has been seeing her since her early teens. She, the doc, is a sister Wiccan to Jaz, they are very close. She even has Jaz and me on the same prescriptions, the doctor had a long, long talk with me beforehand. It was just a lucky thing Jaz had me completely briefed ahead of time, what questions would be asked and how to answer them. How did you know? Yes there are 28 pills in the round dispenser. Oh you are SO right, during those days I feel all queasy and crampy. What? Oh, only six months now. Wow, are you psychic? Yes, all itchy and sore for the last two weeks. Right again, puffy and soft. Really!!!!! Oh Jaz will be so pleased. No, I haven’t said anything to anyone about it yet, I was afraid it might have been a reaction to being covered by these all the time, like a heat rash or something. Oh Yes!!!!!! I am more than pleased, didn’t I say as how these babies have no feelings. They also chafe on hot sweaty days. Oh my, that will be so, so, so lovely.

No I haven’t said, well, you didn’t ask. I’m taking a light load this term; Nutrition 302, Organic Chem. 304 and Comparative Religion 201. I plan to become a nutritionist/dietitian. Yes the religious studies are to keep dietary differences straight.

Oh, more thirsty customers. "Coming!"

The hair? I’ve been going to the same place as Jaz since she talked me into letting it grow, right after we met. The staff, there, are very good and have shown me so many ways to style it and have helped me learn how to do it myself too. I find the French braid is just so convenient to keep my long hair from frizzing all over the place. Thank you again.

It started out as a defense against being as short as I am. It was awkward at first, my feet and lower legs would be sore as all get-out after just a little while walking in them. Now I can’t even walk around the apartment without them. I’ve started to get Jasmine to wear them too, well not as severe as these but, you know, ‘baby steps’, right? Yes, I’ve noticed the stares of those ‘troglodytes’ but who cares what they think, I have Jaz and that is all that matters to me.

I’ll be right back. I have to get a ‘round’ for table five.

Oh, you might not have known, see, this is my wedding ring, we picked them out together, three colour gold. A little ornate for my taste but it is the meaning behind it that matters to me. We made a life-commitment and had a complete Wiccan Hand-fasting ceremony in front of an ordained Wicca priestess, all very legal. You would have no way of knowing, but let me assure you, that for Jasmine, that is the strongest bond there is. She is a devout Wiccan and takes it all VERY seriously.

Table seven is dry. How is your wine? Would you like another? Ok, be back in a sec.

Jaz is trying to talk me into wearing both the wedding and engagement rings, but the diamond she bought for me is so large and beautiful I worry about losing it. I think I will let her convince me, after a few more loving communications in bed. (hee hee hee) Did I just giggle? At least her engagement ring is a little less ostentatious.

It has been a pleasure. Thank you, yes, I would prefer anonymity. Yes, Kerry, Kerry Ine Tome’ you know with one of those fancy apostrophes over the ‘e’, that is how you know-for-sure I’m not related to Marissa Tomei. I learned after they were gone, mom was into Wicca too. Yes, that is where the ‘Ine’ comes from.

Here you go, white wine. Oh, Jaz is pointing to a customer at table five.

Oh goodness yes, I have been plagued by the ‘saucer of milk’ thing ever since Jaz and I have been together. Before Jaz, I always claimed it was my "Knight Rider" identity, funny I haven’t thought about that in years. Now I just ‘meow’ at them, usually shuts them up, so no, the nails are just for fun. What is the worst is the ‘dangling yarn’ thing, I get quite miffed at that. Yes, the toes match the fingers but I usually wear closed-toe shoes so nobody knows that but Jaz and my pedicurist, until summertime anyway, you know, it is pretty hard to hide the toes in strappy sandals.

Sorry for all the interruptions. If I don’t keep up, the other staff tend to horn in on my section and snaffle the tips. I’ll just take these drinks to table eight.

So if I may ask? What is this article all about? Oh, I see, "The Who’s Who at GLBT Bars". What do you mean ‘GLBT’?

Ohhhh….

Gay Bars??? That actually makes sense. That is why there seems to be so much segregation of the sexes at the tables, girls sitting with girls and boys with boys. I wonder why I never noticed that before? I’ve been coming in here since that first night I met Jaz here, when she was a waitress. Of course, for the first while I was so shy, if Jasmine wouldn’t have kept talking to me softly, what the words were I have no idea, I would probably have run away, blind, emptying my stomach as I ran. She has really helped me come out of my shell.

But who cares, gay, straight or dyed purple, does it really matter what sex the person, to whom you are attracted, happens to be? It is the caring and loving that counts. Jasmine has taught me that, more than anything else that goes on between us.

In next week’s "Swerve"? I will look for your article and make sure to save a copy.

May I ask what got you interested in me? I mean, I’m as normal as they come.

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Author’s notes: This story is pure fiction! Ok, I’ll admit it, it IS one of my fantasies. Jasmine is a complete fabrication (I chose the name for its ‘Jazzy’ abbreviation.) as is the ‘interviewer’ and I bear NO resemblance at all to the Kerry character of this story, well except for the Nature-Spirituality and having lost faith with the church of my parents. Osborne Street and River Avenue are actual streets here in Winnipeg and the community they define, ‘River and Osborne’, is one of several ‘artsy new age’ areas in Winnipeg and a very likely neighbourhood to find a GLBT-friendly establishment. Sapho’s is fictitious but "Swerve" is the real-life GLBT publication here in town. I didn’t get permission to use the name "Swerve", but I think I have portrayed them in a positive way, so I trust there should be no nasty repercussions. Maybe it would have been simpler to say that the people in this story are all fictitious but the streets are real.